Conquest, BENEVOLENCE and randomness…
by Ryujin Mei
Summary: Ambitions collide! Heroes clash! Manju is stolen! The entire cast of Dynasty Warriors 8 versus the randomness brought on by your lovely Wen Yang obsessed Ryujin Mei (* * )*/and any reviewers. Random summary, take a look to judge! Jump aboard the Dynasty Warriors 8 hype train!
1. Famitsu Familiarisng

**Hello there! *bows* This is Ryujin Mei's first attempt at writing! *blushes* **

**This was inspired by the koeiwarriors version of the Dynasty Warriors 7 popularity poll waay back. **

***ahem* So today, we announce the results of the Famitsu Dynasty Warriors 8 Polls. So did you agree with the results? Let me know in the reviews! Also, clicking the favourite/review button grants you a special request for any character! So review away (^_-)*/ **

* * *

_There is an excited murmuring as the entire cast of Dynasty Warriors 8 all sit down in the hallway_

**_SW:_**_ Hey! We got invites too!*angry murmuring* Don't forget us!_

**_Sterk:_**_ *looks confused* I... got an invite as well._

**_Ryujin Mei_**_: Eh heh, that's for next time! Sit tight and watch quietly! _

**_Men:_**_ WINE!_

**_Dong Zhuo+Guo Jia_**_: WOMEN!_

**_Zhang Fei:_**_ *tries to sneak a wine jar under his shirt*_

**_Xing Cai:_**_ *throws a knife 2cm away from his hand* Father. We already discussed this. I don't need to call social services again do I?_

**_Zhang Fei_**_: Dammit! Bao, help your father out will ya?_

**_Zhang Bao:_**_ *scratches head* Facing sis's anger or helping dad.. Sorry, I gotta go….*runs away*_

**_Ryujin Mei:_**_ Helloo everyone! *SCREECH* Oops! Better fix the microphone! Ok, welcome to the first chapter of Ryujin Mei's fic! The winners of the Famitsu popularity polls will give us their reactions and messages of thanks! Let's go!_

* * *

**Poll 1: Most wanted sibling**

**First place Xiahou Ba**: Wow! I'm first! Seriously? This is just awesome! I've always wanted another sibling, to be honest I'm a little envious of the Guans and Suns.

_Sun and Guan siblings: *all speak at once* Trust me you wouldn't want older little annoying brothers sister brother!_

_Xiahou Ba: I err don't follow?_

**2****nd**** Place Guan Ping**: 2nd place? I'm grateful but.. since KOEI added in Xing and Yinping, I feel more and more invisible, well it's not like I'm against them being there, but…. I'm going to get overshadowed again aren't I? *sighs*

_Guan Yinping: There there brother! It's all good._

_Guan Yu: My son.. its time I told you the truth.*strokes beard* you're adopted. Now there won't be any sibling rivalry._

_Guan Ping:*falls to his knees sobbing* F-f-father!_

_Suo+Xing: O.o_

**3****rd**** Place Guan Yinping: **Yipee! I'm more than happy to have more brothers! Sisters would be nice as well! *looks up at Guan Ping* Cheer up Ping!

_Guan Ping: *sobs*_

**4****th**** place Sun Ce:** Cool! Though I wouldn't really want more younger siblings to be honest *starts muttering to himself*..Quan and Shang Xiang are such handfuls… *mumble mumble*

_Da Qiao: *jabs Ce in the shoulder* You mustn't speak of your siblings like that!_

_Quan and Shang Xiang: *puppy dog eyes* _

_Sun Jian: Any more complaining and we're taking you all for counselling young man.*cracks knuckles*_

**5****th**** place Xiao Qiao:** Siblings? Hmms I'm already happy with Da Qiao as my big sis, but I'd be happy to have a little sis! Ooh we can play with each other's hair!

_Cao Cao: *dangerous gleam in his eyes* Yes. Mmmm another Qiao.._

_Dong Zhuo: *drools* GAHAHA I'd *wink* love another Qiao as well. _

_Security: *grabs Cao Cao and Dong Zhuo and drags them off*_

**6****th**** place Zhang Bao**: Oh yeah! I love to have more siblings, preferably a cute little sister *sighs* honestly Xingcai is a little too boring sometimes.

_Xing Cai: *coughs lightly*_

_Zhang Bao:*cold sweat*_

**7****th**** place Da Qiao:** My! I'm so flattered, but Xiao Qiao is already enough as it is, although an older brother wouldn't be so bad *trails off*, I mean, iIt would be nice to have someone to worry about me…

_Sun Ce: But you have me! Aren't I good enough?_

_Da Qiao: *ignores*_

**8****th**** place Ma Dai:** Oh wow, people want me as a sibling? Guess I should start being more responsible *sighs*

_Ma Chao__**: **__ At leaast you got some recognition, *sighs sadly* Imma off to-_

_Peasants: *glare* We don't always need saving *holds up some hoes and sickles*_

**9****th**** place Lian Shi**:I suppose I do give off that older sister vibe, in any case, I'm very grateful people think of me like that.

**10****th**** place Sun Shang Xiang**: Well I've already got 2 annoying older brothers so having sisters or younger siblings wouldn't be so bad!

_Quan+Ce: You say something sister?_

_Shangxiang:*whistles innocently*_

_Sun Jian: I think….. this calls for some counselling sessions_

**Poll 2: Most Wanted Girlfriend**

**First place Guan Yinping** : Teehee! I'm so thankful to all who voted for me! And I just debuted as well! Oh father~ I think there will be more suitors after me~

_Guan Yu: *grabs his kwan dao and starts looking around* NO ONE TOUCHES MY LITTLE GIRL! *glares at all potential boyfriends and the Yinping fanboy army* NO ONE!_

_Yinping Fanboy army: *gulp* Y-y-yes my lord…._

_Guan Suo+Xing: *holding Guan Yu down* Calm down father! We'll be the ones protecting Yinping! Don't you worry!_

_Guan Yinping__**:**__ Uhhh… f-father? Brothers? Hey! Ping! Come out of that corner!_

_Guan Ping: *has a dark cloud of despair over his head* *mutter* but I'm adopted *mutter* _

_Xing Cai: *whacks him in the head* Man up Ping!_

**2****nd**** place Da Qiao:** *blushes* I don't believe it! I mean, uh I am extremely flattered to be this popular but I.. *blushes* Lord Sun Ce is the only one for me. *bows her head politely*

_Sun Ce: *leans back on his chair* You heard the lady *winks*_

_Da Qiao:*blushes*_

_Da Qiao fanboy army: *shakes fists in anger*_

**3****rd ****place Wang Yuanji**: I'm third? No, don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm disappointed or anything.. Don't misunderstand me.. I'm happy. Really…

_Sima Zhao: *shakes head* My YuanJi is such a cute tsundere_

_Wang YuanJi: *looks at Sima Zhao with a death glare*_

_Sima Zhao: *shrinks back in his seat*_

_Zhang Chunhua: *smiles* Ah, such a lovely daughter-in-law. Reminds me of my marriage. *leans over to smile at Sima Yi*_

_Sima Yi: *grabs his suitcase*I have urgent business to attend to. Shi, Zhao, take care of Mom will you?_

_Zhuge Liang: *smirks behind fan* SOMEONE's got marriage problems!_

**4****th**** place Sun Shang Xiang**: Wow I'm in 4th place! Hah! Take that, brothers! I'm perfectly fine the way I am! Oh well, the skirt and hair decorations I'm wearing now might have something to do with it.

_Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao: *nods heads and hi-fives each other* Our work is done!_

_Sun Jian: *wipes tears* my little girl, is finally acting like a woman! Wait.. *grabs sword and points at SSX fanboy army* I won't forgive anyone who lays a finger on my baby girl!_

_Ce and Quan: Don't forget us Pops!*grins at fanboy army*_

_SSX fanboy army: *gulp*_

_Liu Bei:…. Did I get forgotten again?_

**5****th**** place Cai Wenji**: Why, this is amazing! I think I shall write a poem to celebrate this! *plays some music* Or perhaps a song? *looks confused* I can't decide!

_Guo Jia: Or how about a date? *winks*I'll help you decide._

_Wang Yi: *grabs Guo Jia by the neck and drags him off* Some people! *mutter*_

_Dong Zhuo: Or coming to my lovely paradise? *leers*_

_Ryujin Mei:*sprays pig repellent* begone enemy of womenkind!_

**6****th**** Lian Shi**: I am grateful for the honor *bows politely* However I don't feel like I deserve this. I mean, I already have Lord Sun Quan.

_*Sun Quan gets death glares from jealous male fans*_

_Lianshi fanboy #1: LIANSHI-SAMA!*sobs*_

_Anonymous males: Damn that lucky bastard…._

**_ (_**_Name withheld): Dammit I thought Quan had no luck with women! Wish my wife had a rack like that *sighs*_

_(Wife of Name withheld): *cough* You were saying?_

**7****th**** place Bao Sanniang**: Yeah! *strikes a victory pose* This is awesome! But Guan Suo is my one and only! *waves to Guan Suo in the crowd*

_*Guan Suo starts blushing*_

_Bao Sanniang Fanboy army: *death glare*_

**8****th**** place Wang Yi** : 8th place? Strangely I feel nothing but emptiness at this victory.*silence* There must be something wrong with me.

_Guo Jia: *crawls in from where Wang Yi beat him up and left him* I can help you feel normal *winks*How about it?_

_*Wang Yi throws a trishula at him*_

_Dong Zhuo__**:**__ Forget about that insect! Join my hare-*gets stabbed by various weapons*_

**9****th**** place Xing Cai**: I never knew this was how people viewed me, there are others who would be more suited as a girlfriend figure. *pause* I mean, I am extremely grateful but I need 3 more jars of wine and-what? *stops reading from cue cards and glares at Zhang Fei* Thank you for this anyway.

_Zhang Bao: What have you done this time Dad? She's going to ban you from wine. Again._

_Zhang Fei: What are you talking about son? I'm as sober as ever!_

_Zhang Bao: You were drunk father. We had to call Uncle Yu_.

_Xing Cai: *facepalms*_

**10****th**** place Diao Chan**: Thanks to all who voted for me! *smiles beautifully and does a small dance*I suppose some may be attracted , however my Lord Lu Bu is the only one for me. *smiles at Lu Bu*

_Diaochan Fanboy #1-#99999: *swoons at her beauty before looking up at Lu Bu* AARGH IIITS! IIITSS! LU BUUUUUU! RUN!_

_Dong Zhuo: Forget about tha-argh! *gets speared by Lu Bu*_

_* Lu Bu gives Dong Zhuo and the Diao Chan fanboy army a smirk*_

**Poll 3: The most popular commander (oooh… suspense!)**

**1****st**** Place Cao Cao:** Hmph. It was to be expected. Now bring on the wine and women!

_*all married men stand protectively in front of their waifus*_

_Cai WenJi: ….*looks away*_

_Zhang Fei: *gleam* Did you say… WINE? _

_Xing Cai: Father.*glare* Enough._

_Yuan Shao: Unforgivable! A mere peasant like him doesn't deserve that title!_

**2****nd**** place Xiahou Yuan:** 2nd place? Gahaha, *looks at Cao Cao* Good on ya cousin! Ey Dun, how's the view from down there?

_Xiahou Ba: Oh father, how embarrassing! _

_Xiahou Dun: ….._

_Cao Cao: Yes… Wei is definitely the most popular! Next step. World domination_

**3****rd**** place Liu Bei:** I owe this victory to the people of the land as it is they who have made me this popular **. One word. Benevolence.**

_Sun Shang Xiang: *claps hands* Well done Bei! But… you'll always be number one for me!_

_Liu Bei:*blush*_

_Sun Jian+Ce+Quan: *ahem*_

**4****th**** place Lu Su:** Quite interesting I must say,I knew KOEI putting me in this instalment was a great idea.

_Zhou Yu: You? Why you? Of all people… *grabs a wine jug and starts drinking*_

_Huang Gai: No need to get all jealous, you're pretty enough_

_Zhou Yu: *vein snaps* IT'S NOT THAT !*hic*_

_Xiao Qiao: Yu-baby! It's ok! _

**5****th**** place Zhuge Liang:** *fans himself in despair* I..sense trickery afoot. *closes fan* No. This was all according to KEIKAKU *laughs madly*

_Jiang Wei: PRIME MINISTER! I shall follow your example!* starts laughing madly*_

_Yue Ying: Dear.. *sighs* And Jiang Wei, calm down. You're only going to make things worse._

_Jiang Wei: *stops immediately* Yes Prime Minister's wife._

**6****th**** place Sun Jian:** 6th place? *pauses* Ah.. guess I've gotten old huh? Graaah! I must train and grow stronger! Sons! We're going on a training camp!

_Sun Ce+Quan:O.o *starts making excuses not to go*_

_Da Qiao:*rolls eyes* Ce.. do grow up.._

_Sun Shang Xiang: What about me?*sniffs*Can't I go too?_

**7****th**** place Lu Meng:** It seems I have shown great improvements, I even surpassed Lord Zhou Yu! *smiles proudly*

_Zhou Yu: *glares and starts drinking again* Dammit! Why him as well?_

_Xiao Qiao: Yu likes wine more than me! *starts crying*_

_Lu Xun: Congratulations Lord Lu Meng! *lights some fireworks* This calls for some celebration!_

_Fire Dept: *takes fireworks and matches*_

**8****th**** place Sima Yi:** How dare that imbecile Zhuge Liang be ahead of me? Outrageous! Ahh of course, the miserable savages are unable to comprehend my brilliance! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA-mmmph _* Zhang Chunhua stuffs a manju into Sim Yi's mouth*_

_Zhang Chunhua: *smiling* Calm down dear, you wouldn't want to hurt yourself. *smiles*_

_Sima Yi: *nods silently*_

_Sima Zhao: *sweatdrop* M-Mom…_

_Sima Shi: *is eyeing the manju*_

**9****th**** place Zhou Yu:** Argh! *throws empty wine jar*Damn you Zhuge Liang! *shakes fists* damn you Sima Yi! What pathetic underhanded trickeries did you resort to this time?

_Zhuge Liang+ Sima Yi: *both examine their plate of food*_

_Everyone else: So, how's life?_

_Anonymous: So about Lianshi's outfit…..*censored*_

_Ryujin Mei: WEN YANG!*rest omitted*_

_Zhou Yu: *sobs* Don't I matter?_

_Xiao Qiao: Aww Yu-baby!*hugs* Who cares about this silly award! We all know you're number one!_

_Zhou Yu: *hugs Xiao Qiao* At least someone cares…*sobs*_

**10****th**** place Xiahou Dun:** This is a testament to my popularity! Shame that fans haven't taken my recent haircuts kindly. Damn you KOEI

_Xiahou Dun's hairdresser: *starts trembling* B-but you look so much better now!_

_Sun Jian: At least you don't have white hair!_

P**oll 4: Most wanted boyfriend**

**1****st**** place Zhao Yun:** I am honoured to receive this! However I am certain that Liu Bee-Dono is far more worthy of receiving this honor! **A/n In the Jap versions Liu Bei is pronounced Liu Bee-dono lol**

**2****nd**** place Xu Zhu:** Me? *munch munch* 2nd place?

_Everyone else: *starts yelling in disbelief *_

_Goemon Ishikawa: GAHAHA! Does that mean I have a chance too?_

**_Ryujin Mei:_**_ sorry! Sorry! I misread it! 2__nd__ places goes to.. XU SHU of Shu! One of the new hotties to debut in Dynasty Warriors 7 Empires! The so-called man who looks like a depressed Magoichi Saika with Ezio's hoodie!_

**REAL 2****nd**** place Xu Shu:** * dark depressed aura surrounds him* At least I made it on the cover of DW7E….

_Zhao Yun:*frowns* totally ruined my perfect streak…_

_Ezio randomly appears, looks at Shu's hoodie, shakes his head and leaves. Everyone else just stares in silence._

_Ryujin Mei:__** -_-" **__I guess the hoodies aren't the same then, well.._

_Xu Shu : …..Even KOEI were surprised because I was meant to give off a negative vibe…..*sits in a corner depressed* _

**3****rd**** place Guo Jia:** Heh. I knew I was popular with the ladies *brushes back hair and winks at fangirls* Anytime ladies (^_-)/*

_Guo Jia Fangirl army: *kyaaaaaa* faints_

_Wang Yi: …_

_Guo Jia: Jealous? *winks*_

_Wang Yi: *knocks him out with a wine jug*_

_Guo Jia Fangirl army: *glares at Wang Yi*_

**4****th**** place Jiang Wei:** *weak smile* Thank you for this! I'm not sure what to say *blushes* Prime Minister, I have failed to come first..

_Jia Chong: *smirks* at least you made the list._

_Ryujin Mei: Not sure if I should be scared….what with that facial expression…*mutter* vampire*mutter*_

_Zhuge Liang:_ Jiang Wei, fear not. This was all according to KEIKAKU! *laughs madly*

_Yue Ying:*facepalm* Oh do grow up, both of you. You're only going to embarrass everyone. Again._

_Xiahou Ba: Aw come on! It's not that bad! *smiles cheerfully*_

**5****th**** place Ma Dai: **Wow! 5th place huh? Who woulda thought,.. well ladies, I'll be more than happy to paint pictures for you. Who wants to be first?

_Ma Dai fangirl army: MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!_

_Ma Chao: …..I'm not jealous…. JUSTICE!*runs off to save some peasants*_

_Peasants: How rude! We don't always need saving!_

**6****th**** place Lu Xun:** 6th place? I was 3rd most popular in the last instalment! *lights a match* How could I lose to Jiang Wei? I even cut off my pigtails for this! I suppose I still have much to learn.*lights a flare*I knew I shouldn't have let KOEI cover up my abs in DW8

_Fire Dept: *removes matches and other pyro tools*_

_Xun: *starts crying in a corner*_

_*Fire Dept gets attacked by Lu Xun fangirl army*_

**7****th**** place Zhang Bao**: Haha! Good thing I don't look like my father! And I'm not a generic anymore!

_Zhang Fei: Bao! I thought you were on my side!_

_Generic warriors: We can't fall behind!_

_Ryujin Mei:*ahem* KOEI designed you to look like a younger version of your father you know.._

**8****th**** place Yue Jin:** I am most honoured, I even beat most of the original cast. Thank you for voting for me.

_Ryujin Mei:how about a __**short **__message for your female fans? Or a __**small **__ self-introduction? *smirks* Just a __**little **__thing you know!_

_Yue Jin:*veins pop* I AM NOT SHORT! *goes on a rampage*_

_Li Dian: *sighs* Again with that complex of his._

**9****th**** place Wen Yang:** *is spacing out* Oh! I'm 9th? Thank you to everyone who voted for me! *spaces out and looks off into the distance* Hmm? Oh! Yes, I will continue to do my best in this upcoming battle…huh?

_Ryujin Mei: *is yelling at the Famitsu poll counting person* WHY ISN"T MY YANG IN 1__st__ PLACE? I DEMAND A RECOUNT! THE VOTES WERE RIGGED I TELL YOU! RIGGED!_

_Wen Yang: Please calm down! *takes off helmet and does his cute smile*_

_Ryujin Mei: *faints*_

_*The MC has fainted, please stand by*_

_Camera cuts to Zhang Jiao in his modern jobs DLC costume rocking a guitar and singing Ever Free. _

**10****th**** place Xiahou Ba:** I'm 10th? Seriously? Wow that's great! Even my father never reached the heights I've achieved! And to my female fans*clears throat* I love you all!*winks* Oh, I was just practicing.

_Fangirl #1-999999: *swoon*_

_Xiahou Yuan: Well, you should at least thank your father for your good lucks you know._

_Xiahou Dun: *smirks* You don't say…_

_Guo Hai: *cough* Congratulations my boy *wheeze*_

**Poll 5: Most desired Best friend**

**First place Xiahou Ba: ** Hey yes! *pumps fists* First again! In your face! Ha! I beat you again father!

_Xiahou Yuan: Famitsu got it wrong! It's me! Not my son!_

**2****nd**** Place Ma Dai: **2nd ? Nice, nice.*sighs* looks like I'm going have to start being more responsible now.

_Ma Chao: Dai, you're 2__nd__ again? I'M NOT JEALOUS! *goes off to save some peasants*_

_Peasants: How rude! Etc.._

**3****rd**** Place Bao Sanniang: **Oooh! How cool!*waves to Suo* Hey Suo! I got another one!

_Guan Suo: I'm so happy for you! That's so nice Bao!_

_Bao Sanniang: *giggles* Thanks Suo! *kisses him on cheek*_

_Guan Yinping: Y-you stalker! stay away from my brother!_

**4****th**** Place: Zhang Bao: ** Wow, Xiahou Ba is so on a roll eh? *clenches fist* I have to work myself up against him!

_Guan Xing: That's the spirit buddy!_

_Zhang Bao: Xing! *brofists*_

_Bishieholic: *gleam* FUJOSHI BAIT!*nosebleeds*_

_Ryujin Mei: *tries to ignore* I don't know you! And what's with your name?_

_Security: *drags Bishieholic off*_

**5****th**** Place Gan Ning:** Friends? Aww I appreciate the thought, a nice guy like me could do with a good pal to help him in battle.

_Ling Tong: *glares* What am I? Chopped liver?_

_Gan Ning: Huh? *looks around* Did I just hear a fly buzzing?_

_Ling Tong: Argh! Darn you!_

_*Gan Ning and Ling Tong start fighting*_

_Lu Meng: Calm down! *face palm* This is what I have to deal with all the time…*sighs*_

**6****th**** Place Sun Shang Xiang: **Awesome!I was looking for more sparring buddies!

_Daqiao+Xiaoqiao: *phew* We were getting so tired!_

_Lianshi: I'm sure they'd be much more of help to you than me._

_Sun Quan: Stop being so negative Lianshi!_

**7****th**** Place Guo Jia: **Why thank you! I'm glad people think so highly of . This'll make picking up girls easier.

_Wang Yi:_ ...

_Dong Zhuo: Silence Pretty boy! Let the women join my ha-*gets attacked by angry peasants*_

_Ma Chao: *phew* managed to shake them off_

**8****th**** Place Xiahou Yuan: ** Gahaha! Nice! Hm only 2? Dammit my son's surpassed his old man

_Xiahou Ba: Thanks for the praise father!_

_Xiahou Yuan: ..._

**9****th**** Place Sima Zhao: ** Nice! Anyone wanting to help me out when Yuanji's pissed is welcome! Or lightening my workload!

_Wang Yuanji: …._

_Sima Zhao: *cold sweat*_

**10****th**** Place Li Dian: ** Awesome! This is just a **short **ah **little** word of thanks but hmm , I'm one of the new guys in Dynasty Warriors 8. Nice to meet you!

_Yue Jin: *veins popping*_

_Li Dian: Whoa calm down! Just wait a __**minute **__, I'm almost done-crap_

_Yue Jin: I AM NOT SHORT! *goes on a rampage*_

_Ryujin Mei: *sighs* Here we go again..._

* * *

Teehee! That was random huh? Did you laugh? if you did... my work is done *mwahaha* anyways... now for some advertisements!

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	2. Manju Madness!

**Hello again! *waves* (^_^)/".Teehee! (hope my little cutesy emoticons shows up...)**

**Bishieholic:** Thanks for the review (-.-) make an account already *stalker*

**Ancient Heartless Kai:**Yay! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° Thanks so much for your kind words Kai!

**Yurianna Shan L:** OMG are you THE Yurianna Shan Liu? I really liked your fics! back in my lurking days... Thanks for the praise!

**Madison Lockheart: ** Awww no probs! *･゜ﾟ･*\(^O^)/*･゜ﾟ･* Thanks!

**guy2547: **Thanks! Hmmm *looks at angry Ma Chao* I don't think he feels the same way ;P

**Warrior4life: ** Thank you for the nice words! even a **short ** message is fine! only takes a **minute!**

Yue Jin: I HATE YOU! BOTH OF YOU! *veins pop*

**Bryce is a ninja: ** Yeah the votes are frustrating, I disagree with quite a few*ramblings omitted*

* * *

_All the Dynasty Warriors 8 cast are gathered in the hall again._

**Everyone:** So why are we here again?*murmuring* No idea…

**Ryujin Mei:** *claps hands* OK~ Wen Yang, Deng Ai, Meng Huo, Lu Bu, Guan Yu, Sima Zhao and Yue Jin! Come on up here! Oh! Line up in order of height!

_All the members who got called up give each other puzzled glances before coming onstage and assembling themselves in order of height._

**Ryujin Mei:** *smirk* Teehee! Can you guess what I just did? *nudges Yukiyun*

_Everyone looks around for a few seconds before looking slowly at Yue Jin._

**Yue Jin:** *trembling with rage*I…*steam starts coming out of his ears and veins pop*

**Li Dian:** *sighs* Again with that complex…..but making him stand next to the tallest guys? You guys are cruel..

**Yue Jin:** GRAAAHH! HOW. DARE . YOU.?! INSULTING ME LIKE THIS? I'VE HAD ENOUGH! DON'T INSULT MY HEIGHT!*goes on a rampage*

_As a result of Yue Jin's angry rampage, the entire hall was evacuated and abandoned. All that remained was a mad Yue Jin and a shaking Li Dian…The rest of the chapter will continue below…. _

* * *

_That morning, Wang Yuanji had persuaded Zhao to fulfil his duty as a future ruler and complete some paperwork before she returned. With a curt wave, she gracefully left to go shopping with Zhang Chunhua. Oblivious to the fact that the deadline was approaching, Sima Zhao decided to take a nap….. _

**Sima Zhao:** *yawn* Aww man, I overslept again..*looks outside* CRAP! Yuanji's going to kill me! *places hands over head in fear * What do I do?

**Wen Yang:** What seems to be the matter my Lord?

**Sima Zhao:** Yang? When did you get here?*shakes head* Look, I overslept and there's a ton of paperwork. Yuanji's going to kill me!*puppy dog eyes* Can you help me get it done?

**Ryujin Mei:** Teehee! I'll get it done for you!

**Sima Zhao:** *eyes shine* Really? Awesome. Okay then Imma off *starts walking off*

**Ryujin Mei:** Wait! One condition! You have to get me the manju that your mom made for Shi this morning! Ok then! Good luck!

**Sima Zhao:** O.o.. I'm gonna die either way…

**Wen Yang:** *pats back* I wish you luck My Lord.

_And so, Sima Zhao's trials increased. Not only did he have to ensure the paperwork's completion, but he had to steal a manju! *gasps* He went back to his room and prepared himself accordingly for one of the greatest hardships of his life. Stealing Sima Shi's manju. He still wasn't sure which was better, facing Yuanji's wrath or Shi's wrath. Or perhaps the wrath of their mother, after all, stealing food was a no-no in the Sima household._

**Sima Zhao:** *scratches head* What kind of a narration is tha-ugh, nevermind.

**~Meanwhile~**

_Oblivous to the fact that his precious manju was in grave danger, Sima Shi was diligently completing some paperwork, after all, he was the responsible and intelligent child. Little did he know that trouble was approaching….._

*anonymous*: What's with the lame narrating?

**Sima Shi:** *stretches* Hm I did quite a lot of work today. I think I'll take a short break. Guards, make sure nobody touches my manju while I'm out. *waves and leaves*

**Guards:** Yes my lord

**Guard 2:** Haha nobody would bother stealing a manju. I'm going to take a nap.

**Guard 1: ** Same here! Oh did I mention that my brother-in-law got 2 seconds of screen time in the opening movie? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

_As the guards took a nap and ignored the command their lord had given them, Sima Zhao was on his way to steal the precious manju. Really, what kind of guards are they? _

**Sima Zhao:** *sees guards sleeping* Oh-kay…. *shrugs* *walks in, takes the manju and leaves*Oh wait *goes back and leaves a note for Shi*

**Sima Shi:** Hmm how odd, I can't shake the feeling that something isn't right. I better go back.

*goes back to room, sees Zhao's note*

* * *

_Yo Shi! Sorry, I need to borrow this manju for a bit. IOU. _

_-Zhao_

* * *

_His hands trembling with rage, Sima Shi tore the note into several pieces and clenched his fists tightly. How dare somebody steal his manju? And to think that someone was his younger brother!_

**Sima Shi:**_ *maniacal laugh* Guards_

**Guards:** ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

**Sima shi:** GUARDS!

**Guards:** *wipes off drool* Yes my lord!

**Sima Shi:**Get my manju back. Now. If needed, call in my entire personal army.

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

**Sima Zhao:** *whistling to himself*

**Sima Shi's army:** AFTER THE THIEF!Get him!

**Sima Zhao:** Aw crap! STOP FOLLOWING ME!

**Wen Yang:** *worried look* I wish you luck in battle my Lord.

**Lu Xun+ Jiang Wei+ Zhong Hui+ Zhou Yu**: *grumble while doing Zhao's paperwork* How'd we get kidnapped so easily? *grumble*

_And so, surrounded by many of Sima Shi's oh-so-faithful soldiers, Sima Zhao had no choice but to surrender the manju. Then watch in despair as Sima Shi menacingly ate the entire thing in front of him. What was he going to do now? Wang Yuanji had just returned!_

**~ That afternoon~**

**Wang Yuanji**:… *surveys the room*

**Sima Zhao:** Yuanji, Yuanji. *sweatdrops* This isn't what it looks like, I..

**Wang Yuanji:** ….I'm amazed you actually finished everything.*nods with approval*

**Everyone:** WHA?

**Sima Zhao:***stunned* Yeah! I can do anything when I put my mind to it you see? *grins* Wow, never thought I'd hear praise from you!

**Wang Yuanji:….**What? No. It's not like I'm praising you or anything. Idiot.*blushes*

**Ryujin Mei:** *whispers* tsundere!

**~A few days later~**

**Wang Yuanji:** Zhao. *flings a pile of notes* Explain. *crosses arms*

**Sima Zhao:** Huh?

* * *

_To: Sima Zhao_

_Regarding the work we were bribed into doing, payment will be accepted by the following date._

_Regards:_

_Lu Xun, Zhong Hui, Jiang Wei, Zhou Yu_

* * *

_It seems that Sima Zhao's trials have still not ended*SMASH* Oh dear! looks like he's in trouble again! Run Zhao! Run!_

Sima Zhao: ARGH! Quit it with that lame narrating! Calm down Yuanji!

Wang Yuanji: *throws daggers*

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

* * *

*giggles* Yes, this was even more random than the first chapter huh? Did I make anyone laugh? Hopefully I did! Feel free to give me some scenario/character requests in your reviews! (ღ^_^ღ) ･*:.｡. .｡.:*･Thanks again for reading! ｡◕‿◕｡

Anyway advertisements 2.0!

**Betrayals of the heart- Diao Lover** The summary itself is already awesome enough! Diao Lover has a very nice way of writing! I also recommend you read all of Diao Lover's other works! *Mei is not a stalker ok? (*3*)


	3. Pyromania Pandemonium

Ancient Heartless Kai: Thanks Kai (^_^)(^o^)! Wh-what? Y-Yang was SO not there a lot! *sweatdrops*

Guy2576: Why thanks! Of course you'd get a mention! All my readers and reviewers are special!but not as special as Wen Yang *giggles* Teehee! Let's just say Yuanji wasn't very happy with Zhao!

Ashdragon: Thanks! I'm glad you like it! No! Don't go all twitchy on me! I promise I'll do a better job! Hopefully! (*W*)

Diao Lover: No prob ;). *whistles* I'm sure Yue Jin doesn't mind..

Bishieholic: Mei-Mei isn't happy (¬､¬)! Keep your crazy fantasies to yourself, think of the children! ヽ(≧Д≦)ノI-it's not like I'm thanking you or anything! B-baka!

Yu Xiaomei: YES! I LOVE WEN YANG SOO MUCH AS WELL! Wait… as well?... *yandere berserk mode*… b-b-but he's… *pulls out knife* MINE!

_Security: Somebody calm her down!_

_Yue Jin:*crack knuckles* *grins happily* Gladly! *knocks out Mei*_

Yurianna Shan L: Teehee! Yes, He couldn't join the NBA so he had to become a soccer player. Now, some people have something to say in response to your scolding!

_Sima Zhao: *puppy dog eyes* I'm sorry…stop acting like my mom!_

_Lu Xun+Jiang Wei: *innocent look* what did we do?_

_Sima Shi: *glares* Mom… yelled at me for eating food off the ground._

_Zhang Chunhua: Shi. Zhao. Such terrible behaviour. Oh? Someone else lecturing you? *smiles* Oh my. _

_Sima Yi:*sweats* Sons, listen to your mother and behave from now on._

ArtisticIce: Wow! You reviewed my crazy randomness! *goes all fangirly* blushes* I'm honoured! Thanks so much! Teehee!

Warrior4life:awww you and Yue Jin are perfect for each other!Thanks for your support. *giggles* Oh you got it eh? *ignores raging Yue Jin*

_Li Dian: Poor guy. C'mon give him a break just this once? Oh well, its starting_

* * *

_As punishment for setting fireworks inside the hallway, Lu Xun's pyro tools had been confiscated until further notice, however the young strategist had begun experiencing withdrawal symptoms, hence his teachers had to keep an eye on him. Today, happened to be Lu Meng's turn, unfortunately he had been distracted while making lunch in the kitchen and lost sight of the pyro…. _

**Lu Meng: ** *massages aching temples* What. Have. I. Done. *sinks to the ground* I'm dead. Hopefully he hasn't done anything bad….He can't set fire without his tools... Hmm? Why's a generic officer running towards me?... don't tell me…

**Generic Wu Officer #1**: Lord Lu Meng! Oh, may I have some of that food? *munches* Oh by the way, the garden is on fire, I think Lord Lu Xun was setting some fires there. Ah, Lady Daqiao and Lady Xiaoqiao would like a word with you later.

**Lu Meng:** *laughs weakly* Of course, I'll take full responsibility for this, tell them I'll be there soon.

**Generic Wu Officer #1: ** *bows* My lord..I…Good luck. *runs off*

**Lu Meng: ***veins pop* ** [Lu Meng Anger Meter: +20]**

**Generic Wu Officer #3:** Lord Lu Meng!*bows* Lord Lu Xun just lit some flares and burned down the training ground. Ah, Lady Shangxiang would like a word with you later. *bows*

**Lu Meng:** Is that so? *chuckles* Tell her I apologise and will be there shortly.

**Lu Meng: ***more veins pop* **[Lu Meng Anger Meter: +40]**

**Generic Wu Officer #4:** Lord Lu Meng! Lord Lu Xun set off some flamethrowers inside the food storehouses. *bows* We're trying our best to put out the fires. Lord Ling Tong and Lord Gan Ning are furious..

**Lu Meng:** *snickers* I see..*veins start popping*…go….

**Generic Wu Officer #4: **May I have some of that foo-*sees Lu Meng's veins popping* My Lord *bows and runs off*

**Lu Meng: ** *clenches fists tightly* **[Lu Meng Anger Meter: +90…*siren*]**

**Generic Wu Officer #2:** Lord Lu Meng! Forgive my tardiness! Lord Lu Xun just set off some fireworks inside the palace. Lord Sun Jian and Lord Zhou Yu would like a word with you. *bows nervously* I suggest you write your will *whispers* they're furious!

**Lu Meng:** *laughs madly* DAMN YOU PYRO-BOY! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU…..*laughs crazily*

**Generic Wu Officer #2: ** M-My Lord? *back away slowly before running away*

**_Lu Meng: _***trembles with rage* Kill….*steam coming out of his ears* pyro….HaHaHAhaHAhAhaHAHA! **_[Lu Meng Anger Meter: OFF THE CHARTS!*DANGER!*DANGER!*]_**

_His stress levels completely off the charts, Lu Meng finally lost it. DAMN THAT PYRO! *gasps* Oh no! What's this? Lu Meng's going to kill you Lu Xun! You better stop what you're doing and say you're sorry! He's talking like Wei Yan now! He's also laughing like Sima Yi! Lu Xun! What have you done now?_

**Lu Meng: **Lu…. Xun… DEAD! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…KiLl Lu XUn…..

**~Somewhere in Shu~**

**Wei Yan: ***sneezes*

**Zhuge Liang:** I told you to stop sleeping outside.*smirks behind fan* Savage.

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

**~Somewhere in Jin~**

**Sima Yi: ***sneezes*

**Zhang Chunhua:** *smiles* Are you feeling sick dear? *holds up a needle*

**Sima Yi:** *sweatdrop* I'm f-fine .

**_~Meanwhile~_**

_Completely oblivious to that fact that Lu Meng was out to kill him, or the damage that had been done to Wu, Lu Xun was in pyro heaven. His eyes shining brightly with happiness, he carefully lit some dynamite and gleefully threw it into the kitchen. With a crazed giggle he ran off and continued his pyro-spree. Oh Lu Xun, this is why your pyro-tools were taken from you…_

**Lu Xun: ** *lights match* This is bliss! I'm in Heaven! *throws a flare* Fire! Fire!*pyro-ramblings omitted*

**Generic Peasant #1: ** Ahhhhh! Its… Its.. Luuuu Xuun! Ruuunnnn!

**Lu Bu:** *frowns* They're meant to say that to ME!

**Ryujin Mei:** Shhh! You're not part of this chapter!

**Generic Female #3: ** Eeeyyaaa! Help us!

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

**Xiaoqiao:***sniffles* my poor flowers, how could Lu Xun be such a big meanie? *sobs*

**Daqiao: ***pats Xiaoqiao's back* There there Xiaoqiao, It'll be alright, when I find them I'm going to give Lu Xun and Lu Meng a huge lecture!

**Xiaoqiao: ***wipes tears* I'm going to go give them both a big smack now!

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

**Sun Shangxiang: ** *stamps foot* Lu Xun! You idiot! How am I supposed to train now? *clenches fist* Lu Meng.. this is all your fault..*cracks knuckles* I'm going to beat them both up when I find them!

**Sun Ce: ** *cracks knuckles* I'm coming along too! *laughs nervously* I need an excuse to get out of helping Pops.

**Sun Quan: ** I'm coming as well brother…for…a um.. different reason.*sweatdrops*

**Huang Gai: ** Come back here!*cracks knuckles* Quan!

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

**Ling Tong: ** Aww man, all the food..gone.. I'm going to die!

**Gan Ning: ** Psh! You're going to die? What about me? NO WINE!

**Ling Tong: ** What'd you say? Food is more important than wine!

**Gan Ning: **Huh! I forgot a baby like you can't drink *shrugs*

**Ling Tong: **What was that? You looking for a fight?

**Gan Ning: ** Bring it on! Little GIRL!

_*both start fighting*_

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

**Sun Jian: ***smashes another table* Lu….Meng… you've got some explaining to do….*dodges a firework*Lu Xun…. When I get my hands on you… *dodges a flare*

**Zhou Yu: **Lu Meng you fool! *shakes fist* I should have let Lu Su handle it instead..*steam coming out of ears* urgh, Lu Su *grumble grumble*

**Lu Su: **….I can hear you…..

**_~Later that day~_**

**Lu Meng: ** Geh heh heh!*steam coming out of ears* LU…. XUN! MUsT…FiNd….PyRo…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

**Lu Xun:***still in berserk pyro-mode*oh! Lord Lu Meng! *smiles brightly and waves *Over here! Wanna help me light fires? *laughs innocently*

**Lu Meng:** GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH *goes on a rampage*

**Lu Xun:** ..? What's wrong with Lord Lu Meng? *shrugs* Hmm I wonder where that loud noise is coming from *goes off to investigate*

**Angry group:** THERE YOU ARE LU XUN! YOU DAMN PYROMANIAC! GET HIM!  
**Lu Xun:** *gasps in shock* What have I done? *puppy dog eyes* Why doesn't anyone like the renovations I did? *runs away*

_With an angry crowd at his back, Lu Xun ran for his life. Ah, this must be their way of thanking you for the lovely renovations you did Lu Xun! *SMACK*CRASH* Oh! They got him! *knuckles cracking*…. Good luck Xun.. You'll need it!_

**Lu Xun: **Don' t just narrate! Help me!

**Ryujin Mei: ** What about your fangirl army? Or the Shota Strategist Alliance? Oh, the fangirl army told me to give this to you.*hands Xun a note*

* * *

To our perfect, adorable, handsome, brave, cute *rest omitted* Xunnie,

Don't worry! We're off to complain to KOEI for covering up your abs in DW8.

We wILl AlWaYS LoVe YOuuu

~ Lu Xun Fangirl Army

* * *

**Lu Xun**:….. I'm dead… HELP ME!

**Lu Meng+Angry Crowd: ** XUN!*GRAAAHH*

_Oh dear! Xun's in big trouble! Review to help him escape! XD_

* * *

**_~Advertisements 3.0!~_**

Whoo! I've been busy with school *hides assignment* that's why I haven't been reading as much other fics! Oh nos!

**The adventures of Troll Xun- ArtisticIce.** HILARIOUS! So funny! I died laughing a few times! Her sense of humour and ideas are even better than mine! Give it a try or else Lu Xun will come troll you instead!

A Chaotic Mix - Ryujin Mei

What? Can't I advertise my own fics? (sad face) It's a Samurai Warriors one though, I'm currently recruiting ocs! Gimme them through reviews!


	4. Alcoholic Argument (Dad vs Daughter)

_Hello once again to this randomness! OOh! I forgot! Lu Xun! Here take these items! Hope they help you!_

**Lu Xun:** *looks at dress and wig* ARE YOU MAD? *grabs escape rope* …..*teleports right in front of Lu Meng*

**Lu Meng:** *terminator style breathing* HeHHEhEh kILl XuN

**Lu Xun:** *catches Yurianna's rocket*… *KABOOM*

_Lu Xun used the dress and wig! But it failed… Lu Xun used the escape rope. Almost made it! Lu Xun used the rocket..Aww better luck next time! Looks like Lu Xun was unable to escape from the angry mob! Oh well, let's start the chapter!_

* * *

_It was an ordinary breakfast in the Zhang household, the responsible father eating a peaceful meal with his reliable son and his adoring daughter. Hmm, is this the right family?_

**Xingcai:** Father!*grabs wine bottle* Enough!

**Zhang Fei: **But Xingcai! Please just let Daddy take a sip! Just a tiny sip! Come on! My favourite little girl!

**Xingcai:…**I'm your only 'little girl'.*throws wine bottle outside*

***somebody outside*:** ARGH! That hurts! I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION! FOR JUSTICE! **a/n guess who? ;3**

**Zhang Bao:** *playing peacemaker* Hey sis, calm down. Dad, you promised you'd quit for a week! C'mon….guys..

_Fortunately, the responsible and logical words of the loving son were taken to heart by his adoring little sister and his understanding father. Both hung their heads in shame and forgave each other after smiling at the kind son. The family then had a big party and invited the lovely author and her husband. Oh wait, wrong story._

**Xingcai**:… What's with the narration?

**Zhang Fei**: What the? I ain't drunk yet! I'm sober! I swear!

**_What actually happened: _**_ Both father and daughter was glaring lasers at each other while the panicking son attempted to calm them both down. Sadly, his attempts… fell to nothing ….._

**Xingcai+ Zhang Fei:** STAY OUT OF THIS!*shove Zhang Bao out of the way*

**Zhang Bao:** *sad* …I'm hanging out with Xing…..Don't miss me too much….

_His attempts at restoring peace ignored, Zhang Bao trudged sadly from the dining room. Glancing back, Xingcai and Zhang Fei were heatedly arguing, neither seemed to have noticed his absence. Oh poor Zhang Bao, does nobody care about you?_

**Zhang Bao:** *wipes tears* Stop that narrating! I'm going over to Uncle Yu! Oof! *crashes into something*

**Ma Chao:** *is dripping wet with wine* holds up a broken wine bottle* WHO THREW THIS AT ME? *shakes fist*

**Zhang Bao:** Oh Ma Chao. *rubs nose* Huh? How'd you get inside my house? And why are you all wet? *sniffs* You smell like wine.

**Ma Chao:** I demand an explanation FOR JUSTICE!Oh. *smiles awkwardly* I climbed in through the window there *points*

**Zhang Bao:** *stunned* And how did you get the key?

**Ma Chao:** Jiang Wei let me borrow it, something about letting him wallpaper 'Benevolence' all over my room in exchange.

**Zhang Bao+Ma Chao:**…

**Ma Chao:** ARGHH! JIANG WEI!

_Oh that sounds bad Ma Chao, you should know better than that! And your reaction was a little slow you know! Did anyone guess it was Ma Chao from the first time? Winners will receive limited edition scenarios of their favourite DW male in fanservice situtations! *ignores angry yelling_

**_~Meanwhile~_**

_With no idea that Zhang Fei was banned from wine, his sworn brother's headed over to his house so they could go to their weekly drinking night. Finding the front door open, they walked casually inside and nodded a greeting to Zhang Bao before entering the kitchen._

**Ma Chao: ** Hey! I'm still here!*shakes fist*DON'T IGNORE ME!

**Liu Bei+Guan Yu:** Brother Fei! Are you ready to go drinking with us? Oh Xingcai! Didn't see you there! How are you?

**Ma Chao: **…I'm going to save some peasants…

**Xingcai: ** Uncle Yu. Uncle Bei. Father's banned from wine until next month. He's not coming with you today. *glares at Zhang Fei*

**Zhang Fei:** *mouths silently* Brothers! Help me sneak out of here.

**Guan Yu+ Liu Bei:** *mouth silently back* Sure, ok. Just you wait brother, we'll find a way to keep Xingcai busy and then we can go. Say, let's stop mouthing ok? It's getting difficult. Oh and Xingcai's looking at us funnily.

**Xingcai: **…..Uncles. What are you doing? I can read your lips you know. *crosses arms* Keep me busy? Aren't you supposed to be the mature ones here?

**Liu Bei: ** Look here Xingcai, won't you listen to Uncle Bei for a little *phone rings*Oh excuse me.. *awkward smile* {Hello? Oh Zhuge Liang? What? Jiang Wei's done some interior decorating?... oh how did he know I always wanted 'Benevolence' plastered over the walls? Yes, he is a genius. …yes…Goodbye}. Oh sorry about that. What was I saying ag-?

**Xingcai: **….*grabs Zhang Fei who is sneaking out the back door with Guan Yu* FATHER!

**Zhang Fei: ** Eh heh Daddy just needed to go to the bathroom!*sweatdrops* runs off into the hallway with Guan Yu following behind*

**Guan Yu: **Blast it. *strokes beard* _We need a better plan!_*pulls out scrolls* Thank goodness I asked Zhuge Liang for some advice before.

_And so, with a firm goal in mind, the brothers began their attack! Their mission? Somehow sneaking Zhang Fei out of his own home so they could all go drinking! Of course, with Zhuge Liang's genius plans, what could possibly go wrong! Right?_

**_~Plan #1~_**

**_Distract Xingcai with Guan Ping_**

**Guan Yu: ** Xingcai! Would you be a dear and help Ping out? It seems he's got something he needs helps with.

**Xingcai: ** *worried look* Ping? Oh. I'll go then.

**Xingcai: **Ping! Is something wrong? Ping?

**Guan Ping: ** *is sitting in a corner and crying*

**Xingcai:** !? What happened? Ping?*shakes his shoulders* Are you alright? Tell me what happened.

**Guan Ping: ***sniffles* ..Xingcai… am..I.. *lips tremble* a-a-adopted?

**Xingcai: ** *vein snaps* ugh! Why can't you take it like a man? Honestly! What kind of a complex is that? *throws hands up and leaves* What a waste of my time!

_Zhang Fei and his brothers began their furtive escape from his home, sneaking through the back door and attempting to climb over the fence… little did they know..about the newly installed security system which was about to go off in.. 3..2..1.. go!_

**Security system**: *starts playing Theme of Lu Bu- DW8 Mix*

**Lu Bu:** *charges in on Red Hare* I AM THE MIGHTY LU B-? Where am I?

_Psst! Lu Bu! This way! This way! *leads Lu Bu out*Stop randomly appearing OK? I'll spray some cockroach killer next time._

**Zhang Fei: ** Crap! Foiled again!

**Guan Yu+Liu Bei: ** Brother Fei.. *pats his back* We'll just keep trying….

_All turn around to hear a cough_

**Xingcai: ***crosses arms and taps foot* Father? Uncle Yu? I'd like to ask you something.

**Liu Bei: ** Oh! Xingcai! There you are! Uncle Yu and I were just taking a little walk and your father went to show us around your..*looks around the tiny yard*… wonderful … backyard..

**Guan Yu:** *pulls beard* Blast! Plan 2!

**[Score: Xingcai=1, Sworn Brothers=0]**

**_~Plan #2~ Get Jiang Wei and Zhao Yun to act as distractions_**

**Liu Bei: **Zhao Yun! Jiang Wei, I have a mission for you two.

**Zhao Yun: ** Liu Bee-dono! No matter the request I will do it! I shall even move mountains for you!... Do I need to save Liu Shan again?

**Liu Bei: ** Uh yes, thank you, anyway I need you two to distract Xingcai long enough for me and my brothers to sneak off and go drinking.

**Zhao Yun:** *places hands over chest* Of course Liu Bee-dono!

**Jiang Wei: **….*holds up spraycan* But… I'm bu-

**Liu Bei: ** Zhuge Liang recommended I ask you.

**Jiang Wei: ** *throws spraycan*eyes shine* The Prime Minister did? I will do my best! Anything for the Prime Minister!

~x~x~x~

**Zhao Yun:** Xingcai!

**Xingcai: ** *rolls eyes* What is it this time? Hmm? Yun? Who's the girl?

**Zhao Yun: ** This is my cousin,ummm errrr…. YunLu.*pushes Jiang Wei forward* . She's here visiting Shu, could you take her out shopping? I'm a guy so I can't. Bye! *waves and leaves*

**Ma Chao:** That's my sisters name!

**Zhao Yun:** …and my waifu's name. Where did you come from?

**Jiang Wei: **_Why do I have to dress as a girl? _*trembles with anger* This is for the Prime Minister..for the Prime Minister..*whisper*

**Xingcai: ** *smiles* Hello there YunLu, alright I think I'll take you to the clothing store first. *smiles* I'll find a nice dress for you.

**Jiang Wei: ** *shivers in shock*This is for the Prime Minister.. for the prime minister..*sweats*

**Xingcai:** ? YunLu? Are you alright?

**Jiang Wei: ** *sweatdrops* Prime minister..prime minister… ARGH! I CAN'T! *throws off dress*

**Female Peasant #2: **Kyaaaaa! A pervert! Help!

**Female Generic officer #1: ** How dare you! Shameless pervert! Lady Xingcai! Are you unharmed?

**Jiang Wei: ** *sniffles* I hate the author…Oh how embarrassing *runs away*

**Xingcai: **…..*marches to the tavern* FATHER!UNCLE BEI! UNCLE YU! *smashes table*

***mysterious shadow*: ***snaps photos of cross dressing -Jiang Wei*

**Sworn brothers: **O-o-oh Xingcai! How are you?

**Xingcai: ***snaps fingers* members of security come and drag them away*

**[Score: Xingcai=2, Sworn Brothers=0.. MATCH POINT]**

**_~Plan #3~ Ask Ryujin Mei for help_**

**Liu Bei+Guan Yu+Zhang Fei: ** *bows* Please Lady Wen! Help us! We're desperate! Xingcai is a fearsome child! We'll give you anything! Please~

**Ryujin Mei: ** *blushes* Teehee! You're calling me Lady Wen? *blushes* oh? Anything? *evil smile* Okay! I'll help you! ;3

_As soon as the lovely teehee Lady Wen *kyaaa* oh ahem, graciously offered her help to the brothers, using her magical author powers, Xingcai somehow disappeared from the chapter leaving the brothers free to go drinking. Have fun now! _

**Ryujin Mei: ** Oh! I forgot to tell you! Teehee! The payment will be *whispers in their ears*!

**Liu Bei+Guan Yu+Zhang Fei: **…NO! PLEASE! WE BEG OF YOU! NOT THAT! ANYTHING BUT THAT!

**Ryujin Mei: ** *examines Wen Yang photo collection* Oh, I thought you were desperate, okay *snaps fingers* Xingcai appears in front of them with an angry expression*

**Xingcai: ** FaThEr….*cracks knuckles* You'll be banned from wine for a year.I already got permission from KOEI.

**KOEI: ** *nods head*mouths silently* Xingcai went on a rampage at our headquarters….

**ZhangFei:** Nooooo! *faints*

**Guan Yu+Liu Bei:** Brother!

**[Score: Xingcai=3, Sworn Brothers=0]**

**_~Somewhere, elsewhere~_**

**Ma Chao:**….I got forgotten didn't I?

**Jiang Wei: ***sobs*joins Guan Ping in the corner of despair*

**Zhuge Liang: ** *raises eyebrows* Those plans? It was meant for Wei Yan *fans self* Only an idiot would actually try them out.

* * *

_Soo... did anyone laugh? Teeheee! The road to world domination is close! Anyways, thanks for reading! and feel free to request any random scenario! and by the way, any Pokemon fans?I heard the latest news about MEGA evolutions...*sobs* Its becoming Digimon now! Waii?_


	5. Special! Culinary Catastrophe

_Hello there! *ahem* Introducing the winner of the competition from the previous chapter.. *drum rolls* ARTISTICICE!Congratulations! You win…a…. _**Limited Edition DW male fanservice Scenario #1:** Suggestive Suggestion

_Ok, Guan Xing, please come on up!Hurry up now! *claps hands*_

**Guan Xing:** Huh? But my name's not ArtisticIce…

_Shh, quieten down Guan Xing, you don't need to make this anymore difficult for a perv- I mean a nice kind author like me!*snaps fingers* Security!Come on! Show us a half-naked Guan Xing!_

**Zhang Bao: **Hey! What are you doing to my bro?* gets held down by security* XING!*closes eyes* I can't watch..

**Everyone:** What's going on? *mumble* Oh, the limited edition fanservice scenario? *murmur*Thought Mei was joking *cameras whir*

_Members of security start pulling Guan Xing's pants..huh? HEY! STOP! STOP! This is rated T! T! For teens! Are you stupid! Not THAT half-naked! The OTHER half-naked! His top half!*huff huff*I-if it were Ya-.. NOTHING! NOTHING!_

**Guan Xing Fangirl army:** *wipes off drool and nosebleeds* By all means, continue!

**Guan Xing:** *dazed expression* the value of pi is 3.1411592654…*mumble*

_At that moment.. as soon as Guan Xing's shirt was slowly pulled off… a shining light shone down on him, his shampoo-ad worthy brown hair glinted in the light. Cao Cao's army of generic female servants appeared out of nowhere and began singing like a choir of angels. OMG! His abs! Those chiselled deltoids, triceps, pecs and *list of upper body muscles*!Where's Kou when you need her? *fans self* Quickly! Someone get the video camera out! Oh! Guan Xing, who knew you were hiding these under there! *camera snaps* BWAH! What I am doing?! Wen Yang is my only husubando!ArtisticIce! You never specified which half ;)! It's your fault! Eek! I mean …the chapter's meant to start!_

**Wen Yang:**_ *spaces out* Huh? What? _

**Guan Xing fangirl army:** DEM ABS! *faint*

**Generic Merchant #3 :**Now selling photos for $10,000,000 each! Come and get it! Limited Edition DW Male Fanservice Scenario only available with DW8 F ver.! See Ryujin Mei for details!

**Note:** Ryujin Mei takes no responsibility for any nosebleeds or nightmares caused by the above …incident.. (Dynasty Warriors 8 Fanservice Edition is also available for males and females. Hurry. Offer ends soon.)

**Extra Note:** Asking for a copy of DW8 F ver. in non-certified stores will only make you look like a pervert.

* * *

_Hellooo ! Guess what? Mei has reached 5 chapters! Yahoo! *throws some fireworks* To celebrate…. __**welcome to the 1**__**st**__** ever cooking contest!**__ Hosted by yours truly, Ryujin Mei and my lovely husubando Wen Yang! *claps hands* Teehee! Sooo… onto the rules! Make one delicious meal, it can be anything! No cheating ! Oh, but no poisoning ok? You're not cooking for Dong Zhuo, don't worry! *ignores Dong Zhuo's angry yelling* There are 3 judges in total! Who are they, you ask? Well, teehee! Wen Yang and I are the first 2 judges, but to make things interesting….the last judge will be different for each person! Oooh! Suspense! Who will it be? _

_Good luck everyone! _

**Contestants: ** Diaochan, Bao Sanniang, Xingcai, Sun Shangxiang, Wang Yi, Daqiao, Xiaoqiao, Wang Yuanji, Zhen Ji, Zhu Rong, Yue Ying

**Everyone: ** A cooking contest? Since when? Geez! This is too random! Hey, is there a prize?

_Shh! Stop complaining everyone! Anyways, the teams have automatically divided themselves into their corners. Now, let's see what each corner is up too.._

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

**~In the Shu Corner~**

**Bao Sanniang **: Yes! This is my chance to show Suo how cool I can be! *exploding sounds* Bother! I'll try again! *explodes* Arh! *throws tantrum*

**Xingcai: ***sigh*…*moves away from Bao Sanniang*….*pot explodes*

**Sun Shangxiang: ***hums softly* Hmm this and this, oh! I'll add in this as well *exploding noise*Is this supposed to happen? *shrugs*

**Yue Ying: ***cooks like a pro* I wonder who my judge will be…*looks at other Shu girls attempts at cooking*…I'm going to have to teach them when this is over…

**~In the Wei Corner~**

**Zhen Ji: ***groans* Urgh, why do I have to do this? *snaps fingers* Peasant! Make me the finest dish possible! *waves hand* Get to it!

**Peasant: ***bows* Yes My Lady

**Wang Yi: ** *glares at ingredients*… *stabs food with her trishulas*…*bows head in defeat*…*looks at peasant*

**Peasant:** *is busy cooking*... *looks at Wang Yi's jealous expression* ARHH! SAVE ME! *runs away*

**Wang Yi: **….Might as well give it a try… *starts cooking… _something*_

**~In the Wu Corner~**

**Daqiao:** *frowns* Shangxiang should be with us!

**Xiaoqiao:** lalala~ Oooh! This looks yummy! Let's add it in! Oohh! This too!*adds in random ingredients*…. Ahh! SIS! HELP ME!IT'S ON FIRE!

_The audience members hold their breath in fear of a certain crazy pyro. Oh not to worry! You guys! He's in hospital now! _

**Daqiao:**…..X-Xiaoqiao? Here! Take half of mine but *whispers* Shh! Keep it a secret OK? *looks around furtively* Don' t tell anyone! Not even Yu!*whispers*

**Xiaoqiao:** Oh! THANKS SIS! *hugs Daqiao*

**Daqiao:** *sigh* Xiaoqiao… I said keep it a secret…

**~In the Jin Corner~**

**Wang Yuanji: **….*mixes something in a bowl*….?...*peers at bowl before continuing*

**Ryujin Mei: ** Something wrong Yuanji?

**Wang Yuanji:** *pauses for a few seconds* No. Nothing. *carries on mixing*

**Ryujin Mei:** You suuureee?*looks at Yuanji's 'food'* Hey Yuanji..*whispers* Do you know how to cook?

**Wang Yuanji: ***grinds spoon into bowl* Of course.

**Ryujin Mei:** Really? But you're mixing some instant noodles, with no water. In a bowl. Can you reaallllyy?

**Wang Yuanji:** *mixes furiously* I… well…..*vein snaps* F-FINE! I CAN'T COOK! *throws spoon angrily*. I admit it!

**~In the 'Others' Corner~**

**Zhu Rong:** Haha! My first appearance in this fic! I'm going stand out so much I'll burn the place down!

_Uh.. Zhu Rong… many other people haven't appeared you know! Besides! This is only chapter 5! Huh? NO! You are forbidden to burn the place down. One pyro is already enough as it is!_

**Diaochan:** *smiles sweetly* Could you lend me a hand Lady Zhu Rong? I'm afraid I'm almost entirely useless when it comes to cooking. Your cooking skills are amazing.

**Zhu Rong:** Haha! Aren't you a sweetheart, flattery will get you anywhere!

**~x~x~x~x~x~**

_Oh my! Looks like times up for our lovely contestants! Yay! Now onto the best part! *drumrolls* THE JUDGING! *applause* Let's start! In no particular order…!_

**_~Judging- Xingcai~_**

_First up is.. Xingcai! The pretty and mature younger sister of Zhang Bao and Zhang Fei's precious daughter! And today, she's made soup! How nice! Looks better than my sister's cooking! She pours in tonnes of salt and adds in fish sauce for more flavour! Note, please don't try it, it tastes horrible!*ahem*_

**Guan Ping: ** Ah, this looks good.*chews*… *spits* Wh-why does this taste like wine? *chokes*

**Xingcai:**…..*checks her ingredients*…*takes a bite*…..*veins snaps* FATHER!

**Zhang Fei: ***hic* Whuzzat? *hic* Shomeding wong ShinkShai?*drinks some wine*

**Zhang Bao: ** Dad….*facepalm* You're in for it….

**Guan Yu: ** Ping! Are you alright my son?*strokes beard* I know you're adopted but a man should be strong!

**Guan Ping: ** F-fa…th…er….*sobs hysterically*

**Guan Yinping: ***pats back* There there brother.. it's okay! Cheer up!

**Guan Xing:** What does being adopted have to do with this?*shakes head*

_Oh no! Zhang Fei, what have you done now? How terrible! You're going to be banned from wine for even longer now! My! Guan Xing, you recovered so soon? Oh dear..and Guan Yu… Ping's got a complex about being adopted…you should remember that!_

**[Score: 7/20]**

_Why only out of 20? Well Mei is underage! No drinking for Mei! Remember kids, drinking isn't good for you! Right? ZHANG FEI?_

**_~Judging - Wang Yi~_**

_Next is the reclusive beauty of Wei, Wang Yi! AKA the ice queen! Hmm Wang Yi.. what did you make? Umm… I don't think I want to know what it is.. Guo Jia will be your special judge! Hmm? Is something wrong?_

**Wang Yi :***glares at Guo Jia* HIM?

**Guo Jia:** *winks* Ah to be eating food prepared by the lovely Wang Yi*sighs* I'm a truly lucky man.

**Wang Yi**: …..*glares at Guo Jia, Wen Yang and Ryujin Mei before pulling out her trishulas*

_W-wang Yi.. please don't glare at me like that! How about we just start the tasting now? Guo Jia, if you would… what? You're scared? Don't give me that! *whacks Guo Jia* Be a man! *whispers* this is your chance to win some points with her;3* _

**Guo Jia: ***weakly takes a bite* Its… horrible *shakes head sadly* I guess not all beauty is perfect. Urgh *clutches chest in pain* Disgusting.

**Wang Yi: **….*grabs plate and throws it in Guo Jia's face*…..*picks Guo Jia by the neck and beats him up* Ungrateful ingrate!

_What's wrong Wang Yi? You're not happy that Guo Jia was your judge? But I thought.. eeekk! Wang Yi! Hurting the MC is against the rules! DISQUALIFIED! *gasps* No! You can't beat up Guo Jia again because I said that!No! S-security!_

**[Score: 12/30 (before disqualification)]**

**_~ Judging -Sun Shangxiang~_**

_Next up is the lovely warrior princess of Wu, let's see if her cooking is just as energetic and refreshing as she is! Her special judge will be Liu Bei! Aww aren't they the cutest couple? Shh quieten down Sun Jian, you're interrupting me! Hmm, Shangxiang's entry is congee, even the simplest meal can taste great when cooked with love….um Shangxiang, are you sure this is congee? Is it supposed to be black? And why is there strange purple smoke? Anyway, let the judging begin!_

**Liu Bei: **O.o *_I don't want to make Shangxiang cry… just a bite won't hurt*_picks up spoon*L-looks tasty!

**Sun Shangxiang: ***looks at Liu Bei excitedly* How is it Bei? Try some! *smiles happily* Is it good?

**Liu Bei: ** *forces smile* Y-yes *swallow* It's.. *coughs* good! ..*collapses*

_Oh no! Liu Bei's fainted! Man down! Man down! Ambulance! Oh my! Shangxiang! What have you done?!_

**Sun Shangxiang: ***horrified look* B-BEI! *sobs* Say something! Don't die on me! *sobs* I.. I'm SO SORRY! *wails*

**Ambulance: ** C'mon boys, lift him onto this stretcher. Hey! Gently now! Looks like another casualty eh Mei?

**Ryujin Mei:** *looks away* N-not my fault!

**Wen Yang: ** I'm glad I didn't need to eat that. *shudders*

**[Score: 5/30]**

**_~Judging- Zhen Ji~_**

_Next up is the elegant princess of Wei and Cao Pi's lovely wife, Zhen Ji! Oh! What has she made? Ohh it looks like roast duck! How yummy! Oh wow! It's a full course meal!_

**Cao Pi: ** *smirks* Anything prepared by Zhen would be a winning dish. She's won this for sure.*takes bite* *frowns* Why does this taste so… common? Was it made by a peasant? *snaps fingers* Peasant! Answer me.

**Peasant #2: ***bows nervously* I..err *looks at a glaring Zhen Ji*

**Zhen Ji: ***coughs* I never ordered you to do ANYTHING? Am I correct?

**Peasant #2:** *trembles* I… well… that is… I..*trembles* I MADE IT *runs away*

**Zhen Ji: ** *rolls eyes* Ugh, peasants!

**Cao Pi: ** *slams fist on table* Judge! *points at Mei* Remove this slop away from me! Immediately.

**Wen Yang: ***frowns* Please do not speak to my waifu like that. *rips scorecard* I'm afraid I can't give you a score.

_Awww Yang ;3 *ahem* Yes Cao Pi! Don't speak like that, and what bad manners! You're insulting the hard-working peasants? *munches* It's yummy! *ahem* Do I need to get the generic men to teach you a lesson?_

**[Score: 9/30]**

**_~Judging- Daqiao~_**

_Here's the cute Daqiao of Wu! Let's see if her cooking is just as delicate and lovely as she is! Wow! She's made rice noodles! She's outdone herself! This looks so good! Sun Ce must be such a lucky guy! Hurry up Ce, I want to try some!_

**Sun Ce: ** *stretches arms* Oh yeah, I'm the luckiest.

**Daqiao: ***blushes* How is it Ce?

**Sun Ce: ** Yum! Dish ish gweach! *burps*Mmm! Dewishoush!

**Daqiao: ***frowns* Ce! Shame on you for talking with your mouth full! And what terrible manners! Really, you're still acting like a child!

**Sun Ce:** ….I'm shorry *keeps on eating*…

_Urgh Ce! Haven't you finished eating yet? Daqiao's meal looks delicious! I want to eat some as well! What? You ate it all? *sobs*How could you!... I know! If it's nice you should share it!_

**[Score: 26/30]**

**_~Judging- Xiaoqiao~_**

_Next up! The younger but no less lovable Qiao, Xiaoqiao! I wonder what she's ma- uh? Xiaoqiao? What's this supposed to be? You said its noodles? But half of it is burnt and the other half is… strange looking . Oh well, Zhou Yu will be the one eating this not me. Teehee! _

**Xiaoqiao: ** Yu-baby! Yays! I tried my hardest making the yummiest dish ever!

**Zhou Yu: ** That's wonderful my love….*_The last time Xiaoqiao tried cooking… I was in hospital for a month *…. _*picks up spoon* Xiaoqiao… I.. want you to know that I love you. *smiles weakly*

**Xiaoqiao: …**? So do I! Yu-baby! *looks excitedly* Is it good?

**Zhou Yu: ** *takes a small bite*…..! It's…. edible..I mean it's good! Amazing! How did you do it?

**Xiaoqiao: ** *claps hands happily* Yays! That's because Da helped me! Oh! *claps hands over mouth* Ooopsy… teehee

**Daqiao: ** *shh* Xiaoqiao, that was meant to be a secret.

_Xiaoqiao! How naughty of you! You can't always rely on Daqiao like that! Hmm she spoils you too much! Tsk tsk, I'll have to minus a few points off you for that! Oh calm down Zhou Yu, at least you're alive. _

**[Score: 11/30]**

**_~Judging- Bao Sanniang~_**

_Next up! Bao Sanniang! Yay! Let's see… ummm Bao.. what's this meant to be? Fish? And this strange looking thing as well? Good luck Suo!_

**Guan Suo: ***picks up chopsticks * This looks nice Bao! Have you been practising?

**Bao Sanniang:** Heh! Of course! It was made by me, so it should be great!

**Guan Yinping: ***rushes in* LET ME TRY THAT FIRST SUO! *grabs food* It might be poisoned! You can't trust stalkers!

**Guan Ping+Xing: ** Yinping! Stop it! Calm down!

**Bao Sanniang:** *sad face* Hey! I'm no stalker! Suo just belongs to me that's all! We were meant to be together!*glomps Suo*! He's 100% mine! *gasps* My food!

_Stalker, ['stɔ:kər] A person who harasses someone with unwanted and obsessive attention. In other words, Bao Sanniang. At least, according to the testimony of Guan Yinping._

**Bao Sanniang:** That dictionary is wrong! *burns dictionary*

**Guan Yinping: ***throws food away* There! All done!*smiles happily*

**Wen Yang:** *is spacing out* Oh! Where'd the food go?

**Everyone:** …..

_Guan Yinping! What did you do? Apologise to Bao Sanniang now!*wipes off sweat* Thank goodness I didn't need to eat that *gasps* N-nothing!_

**[Score: -]**

**~Judging Zhu Rong~**

_Here we have the cool badass Zhu Rong! Historically one of the few only women who actually fought! Mei's brother especially likes her makeover, Meng Huo! Calm down! My brother! Not me! Anyway, her special judge will be none other than Meng Huo! Honestly, she's too good for him!_

**Zhu Rong: ** *shakes head* You should have picked a different judge. He's no good.

**Wen Yang: ** Why ever not? *tilts head* Seems fine to me.

_OMG! Yang! Tilt your head again! Kyaaa! So cute! *ahem* Nothing happened. Carry on!_

**Meng Huo:** Honey! It's fine, so let's just get to the tasting!*drools*

**Zhu Rong:** Did you forget you're on a diet? Honey? *looks at cringing Meng Huo*

**Wen Yang:** In that case, I'll taste it instead of Meng Huo *tastes* Oh! It's good!

**Ryujin Mei:** *takes bite* Oooh! Yummy! *_Mei's inner yandy* Teeheeheee! My plan worked! Zhu Rong's yummy food! It's all mine! 3_

**[Score: 29/30]**

**_~Judging- Yue Ying~_**

_Next up… Yue Ying! The intelligent and kind-hearted wife of Zhuge Liang! I wonder what she's made *sniffs* Oooh! It's a baozi! Hmm but I still prefer eating manju.. what? It's a red bean baozi? Zhuge Liang, take a bite and tell us if it tastes as good as it looks!_

**Zhuge Liang: ** *takes bite* Superb. I would have expected no less. This is all according to KEIKAKU.*laughs behind fan*

**Yue Ying: ** *modest smile* I'm glad you like it dear.

**Jiang Wei: ** Prime Minister! May I have some too?

**Sima Shi: **….*drools slightly*

**Zhang Chunhua: ** *snaps chopsticks*

**Wen Yang: ** *takes bite*Oh! This is nice. May I have some more?

_Is it really that nice? Yang? I'm getting kinda jealous here… *takes bite* OH! This is so nice! Amazing! Yue Ying really is a genius! What's your secret? How can you make something as simple as a baozi taste so good? Hey! Sima Shi! Stay away! Eat a manju instead!__*****__ This is MINE! I'll tell your mom on you!_

**[Score: 30/30]**

**_~Judging Diaochan~_**

_And now, for the beautiful Diaochan! I wonder if her food will be just as beautiful as she is? Anyway, her special judge will be Lu Bu! Awww don't they look good together? Well then, let's go!_

**Lu Bu:** *takes bite* delicious!, Diaochan, I'm amazed at your skills

**Diaochan:** *bows and smiles elegantly* Why thank you for the compliment my Lord.

**Security:** EVERYONE! HIDE YOUR WIVES AND CHILDREN! DONG ZHUO'S COMING!

**Dong Zhuo: **GAHAHA! BACK OFF LU BU! *leers* Food prepared by the lovely Diaochan *pedo smiles* MY Diaochan! GAHAHAGH-HABGAGH? *gets speared by Lu Bu*

**Lu Bu:** You dare try that in front of me? *sends Dong Zhuo flying* Begone vile pig! I am the mighty Lu Bu!

_Wh-what was that just now? Hmm? Did you say it was just a random pig Lu Bu? Oh, okay then! Wow! Diaochan sure made some nice food! Hmm? Check the security camera? *gasps* Zhu Rong helped you! Well, rules are ru-*looks up at Lu Bu's glare* I..er..Great job! Next contestant!_

**[Score: 22/30]**

**_~ Judging Wang Yuanji~_**

**Wang Yuanji:** *looks at Sima Shi* He's my judge?

**Ryujin Mei:** That's right! Zhao's still recovering in hospital you know! After what happened in chapter 2!

**Wang Yuanji: **….*looks away*

**Sima Shi:** ….*stares longingly at Yue Ying's baozi and Mei's manju*

**Wen Yang: **… I couldn't help my lord…

**Sima Shi:** *takes a bite*…!…..HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *mad laughter*…..*faints*

** Ryujin Mei**: Oh! What's this? Is it that nice Shi? I'll taste it now!*takes a bite* cough* Huh? But… I'm the author… *cough* I can't….*collapses*

**Ambulance: ***put Ryujin Mei and Sima Shi onto stretchers*

**[Score: 2/30]**

**Wen Yang: ***looks worriedly* Well, I'll be taking over now. The contest is over and the winner is Yue Ying. Congratulations to her.*munches some baozi* Oh, I'm sorry, what was I supposed to be doing? Ah yes, I will be accompanying my waifu now. *bows* Until next time. Thank you for your support.*spaces out*Oh! I forgot! Regarding chapter 2, Sima Shi's favourite food is indeed baozi or meat bun, but my waifu was eating a manju at the time (red bean flavoured) and made a mistake. Please don't hold it out on her. *bows*


	6. Hospital Happenings

_Greetings. This is Wen Yang here *bows* Mei isn't able to do the narrating this time since last chapter's unfortunate accident…Oh! I'm sorry! Did I space out again?...Uh…what was I…. Ah! Yes, let's go pay her and everyone else a visit shall we?_

**_~Ward 1: Sima Zhao~_**

_Hmmm…. Looks like first on the agenda is Lord Sima Zhao. ….Ah yes, chapter 2 I think? Lady Yuanji was quite displeased at the time…. *gloomy aura* I couldn't help Lord Zhao…. Yes, one shouldn't dwell on the past. Let us continue on.*studies map*….I can't make heads or tails of this…perhaps if Lord Deng Ai was here…..Hmm?*crashes into something*_

**Zhong Hui:** How rude! I'm not a 'someTHING'. I'm the **chosen one**. Oh, it's you Wen Yang.*waves hands* I'm down here.

_*looks around* ….I think I bumped into something….*looks down* Ah, it's Zhong Hui. My apologies, I didn't see you there….Can you tell me where Lord Zhao is?_

**Zhong Hui: ** I'm not that short *veins snap* You're just too tall. What? Sima Zhao? *plays with his hair* Hmph. Why would I know? Quit wasting my time.

_I see… sorry to bother you.*bows*Looks like asking Zhong Hui will get us nowhere…perhaps if…..ah! it's Lord Deng Ai, I'll go ask him._

**Zhong Hui: ** Hmph, so Deng Ai gets called 'Lord' and I the **chosen one** don't get a title? *plays with hair* Hmph. Imbeciles.

_Please calm down __**Lord**__ Zhong Hui… hmm? Why are you scowling like that?. Oh! It's Lord Deng Ai! *runs off* Lord Deng Ai, here's the map of this place, can you help me get to Lord Sima Zhao?_

**Deng Ai: ** Hmm the map of this place is so detailed. *studies map* Intriguing. The cartographer must be highly skilled, look at the detail on this part here! Hmm, I'm amazed that while building the hospital they also took into account the geographic terrain, really this is a work of cartographical genius! Even the scaling of the diagrams and the *rest omitted*

_…*spacing out*….hmm? Lord Deng Ai.. what were you saying? *Deng Ai starts rambling* Ah.. my apologies, Lord Guo Huai is here, I really must be on my way now. *bows* Thank you….no… its quite alright, I can't appreciate maps as much as you do._

**Guo Huai: ***cough* Lord Zhao? *wheeze* cough*Wheeze* He's *wheeze*cough* he's o-*cough* wheeze*

_Uh… it's okay Lord Guo Huai.. I'll try find him myself.. You shouldn't push yourself too hard…..hmm… perhaps Lord Jia Chong might be able to help me.._

**Jia Chong: ** Oh, Yang.. Hm Lord Zhao?*evil troll smirk* Ah of course, turn right at 100m, then 20m after turn left, walk about 30 paces before turning 160 degrees clockwise then *ramble ramble ramble*

_…Mmhmmm… uh… My apologies.. I think I….. Lady Yuanji! I've come to visit Lord Sima Zhao.. huh? _

**Sima Zhao:** Yo! Hey there Yang! *looks around* Huh? Where'd the evil narrator go?

_My Lord, please do not speak of my waifu like that, you were partly at fault as well. *kneels* I…failed to stop you from going on the wrong path, I am also guilty…._

**Sima Zhao:***Munches some food* Haha, it's cool! *whispers* Just help me out with some paperwork sometime ok?

**Wang Yuanji:**…*knives gleam*

**Sima Zhao:** Yuanji! I was just joking! Isn't that right Yang?...Yuanji! Stop! Don't hit me! *points to arm in sling* I'm injured!*tries to escape on crutches* Yang! Gimme a hand here! *gah!*Yuanjiiiiii!

_My Lord and lady have such great chemistry, something about them reminds me of Lord Sima Yi and Lady Chunhua….oh…speaking of Lady Chunhua.. I wonder when she's coming back from her holiday? Well, I suppose I should be heading towards…Lord Lu Xun…_

**_~Ward #2- Chapter 3 victims~_**

_I wonder where Lord Lu Xun would be...eh?...who's...this? Perhaps this is a new female officer?_

**Mysterious girl:** Please help me! Can you let me hide for a second?

_How odd... I can hear some angry roaring in the distance...what could it be? Well, it is not very becoming to ignore someone in need. Here, hide behind me Miss._

**Lu Meng:** Grah! *breathes heavily*Have...you...seen...the damn pyro...here?

_Ah, Lord Lu Meng, how's your stress treatment going?...hmmm...I suppose it would be better if Lord Ling Tong and Lord Gan Ning left you alone for a while...no...I haven't seen Lu Xun. Only this girl here._

**Mysterious girl:** Oh! Lord Lu Meng... I err.. saw Lu Xun go..over there! *sweatdrops* In that direction! *points to a random place*...*a match falls out of 'her' sleeve* *gaps*! Don't get the wrong idea! *wig falls off*

_...huh?...oh! That's... not a girl...how odd. Why would Lord Lu Xun be wearing one of Lady Daqiao's dresses?..._

**Daqiao: ** Xun? *looks at his dress* Is that...mine?...Ohhhh *faints*

**Ling Tong: ** Eh! Ning! You've gotta see this man! Looky! cutie widdle Xun is wearing a pwetty widdle dwess! How kyoott!

**Gan Ning:** GAHAHA! Aww how pwecious! Geez Xun, never knew you were into cross-dressing! Hah! LOLI!

**Lu Xun**: I'm...*clenches fist* NOT A LOLI! The Qiaos are the lolis!

**Daqiao: ** *recovers from fainting*...*sobs*... X-xun.. how could you be so rude to your mother-in-law? *sobs*

** Xiaoqiao:** ? What's a loli? Am I one? Yu?

** Zhou Yu:** *gnashes teeth* No. You are most definitely NOT a loli.

***Anonymous***: But I always thought you were a lolicon...

_We are experiencing technical difficulties... please stand by..._

**_~Ward 4 – Chapter 4 victims~_**

** Sun Shangxiang:** Bei! Are you feeling better? *smiles* I made you some soup! Lianshi said soup is great for sick people!

**Liu Bei:** *gasps in horror* Xiang…I…*stares at Shangxiang's puppy dog eyes...ah! Shangxiang, where is Lianshi anyway?

**Sun Shangxiang:** Lianshi? She's gone on a vacation with Quan. Here! Try some!

**Liu Bei:** *trying not to eat it* Ah, that must be nice! Well.. how are my brothers?*mouthes*_please help me!_

_*nods*_ _Lady Shangxiang…I don't…think..Lord Liu Bei is in any shape to be eating your soup…..Hmm?...Ah, I meant…ah, oh goodness, look at the time.I must be off now._

**Sima Shi:** HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!...*eyes gleam*…..Manju….*snaps fingers*

**Generic Officer #2:** Here my Lord.*bows*

**Sima Shi:** *snaps fingers* MORE MANJU AHAHAHAHAHA!

_...I..think I'll just head on over to where Mei is..._

**Ryujin Mei:** Hey Wenji! When did you get back from your concert? Such a shame you missed out! It would have been interesting to see Cao Cao eat your food!

**Cai Wenji:** *blushes slightly* Well, I normally do the cooking for everyone in Wei so.. it'll be quite a normal affair.

**Ryujin Mei:** Ohh sure *winks* notices Yang* *cough* Oh! Yang ;3..*cough* I… don't think I'll make it..

_Mei! Please calm down, don't force yourself, you're still quite weak…huh? If..I take my shirt off….you'll feel better?...umm ok.._

** Wen Yang Fangirl Army:** MHeheh! Yessss.. take your shirt off…

**Ryujin Mei:** *expertly throws knives and a bomb* BEGONE! HE'S MINE! ...uh..I mean… *cough*..*wheeze*

_…..Ah! Yes… *takes armour and helmet off*… Mei? Do you feel…!...What's wrong? You're bleeding from the nose! Call a d-doctor! Please don't speak like you're going to die! Who else will continue the fic?_

**_~Advertisments 4.0~_**

**_Behind Tiger eyes -AncientHeartlessKai_**** -**Kai is one of the best authors! Read both her fics! Seriously! You'll regret it SOO much if you don't!

**_Tainted Purity- AncientHeartlessKai_**

**_Tale of Moon and Dragon- MockingtaleBright_**- This. Is. Just. So. Awesome. Read it!

* * *

**_A/N_**

_Ok...I'm sorry if this chapter wasn't funny at all. Studying for Economics really...lowers my humour levels. *shudders* Well, hopefully my randomness will return once exams are over! _

_Anyway, something funny and random happened to me the other day, lol my boyfriend came over suddenly. I was cooking at the time and opened the door. While holding a massive cleaver *whistles* I thought it was my mum! Ha! The look on his face was priceless. *ahem*_

_By the way... anyone heard the news? __**ZHU RAN is official! *fans self* and he is HOT! **__Lol Xunnie's got a fellow pyro friend!Now if KT will just put Chen Wu or Shamoke next..._


	7. Diva Disaster?

_Heey! There! Guess what everyone?! Mei's prepared something exciting for all of you!well... you can thank __**ArtisticIce **__and__** Mockingtale Bright **__for giving me some ideas! *hugs* A few special members are going to be singing for us! Wow! Amazing! and yes! I've recovered just fine! Teehee! How did you like my Yang narrating for a change?!_

**_Dynasty Warriors:_**_ *murmur* What is it this time? Is it a harem for m-guh! SILENCE PIG*angry murmuring*! Hey, you're drowning out our murmuring!_

**_Samurai Warriors:_**_ Ah, so this is what our invites were for… right?_

**_Sterk:_**_ So, care to tell us the reason I'm here? I'm quite busy you know,_

_Oh be quiet Sterk, think of it as a little vacation, or would you prefer to have girls fighting over you again? Oh! By the way, Sterky-kins here is a hottie from the Atelier series and guest featuring in Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate! His full name is *ahem* __**Sterkenberg Cranach**__! Yeah, its ok if you don't know him, he's not that cool anyway! Tantris is waaaay cuter!_

**_Sterk:…_**_Grrrr… hey, he's here as well you know. You did ask for a musician..._

_My Tanty? *runs off*TANTYYYY! Where are you?Come here~~~~_

**_Wen Yang_**_: …._

**_Ibuki:_**_ Ahaha, look at all the pretty women here! *exchanges glares with Guo Jia* Hey hey, I'm the more attractive guy! Right Ouka?_

**_Ouka:_**_ …..Why should I care? Oh, Ibuki and I are from Toukiden. We're mononofu from Utakata. It's an honour to be here. _

**_Hayatori:_**_...*holds up a sign labelled: __**SUPPORT TOUKIDEN**__*_

_After several moments of fangirling over her 'other' husubandos, really what kind of an author is this? Her husubando Wen Yang is sitting right here! The author decided to officially start the chapter. Honestly, why is she advertising all these KOEI characters? Talk about a waste of text. She should be focusing solely on ME! *wham* Ugh! Ouka.. you're pretty as well you know...*smack* I've...brought Mei back...*microphone screeches*_

_HEY! EVERYONE!It's Mei here! Today's going to be something nice!*glomps Tant* What is it you ask? Teehee! We're re-recording your image songs! Come on! Off to the studio we go!_

**Everyone:** ..we...have a studio?...

**Zhang Jiao:** It belongs to me! All who follow in the way of peace are welcome to use it anytime!

**Zhen Ji:** *flicks hair* Hmph, guess it's not too late for them to acknowledge my beautiful singing voice.

**Motochika Chosokabe:** *strums shamisen* Yeah! Time for me to shine once again eh-? *gets escorted off to the audience*

_Now now Motochika.. you had your turn already! Samurai Warriors 3 came out a while back you know! Hey Xunnie! Go go just let it go! Oops! My mistake! Wrong song eh? *sigh* Your image song for DW8.. was disappointing you know.. I prefer 'Crimson Wings' *waves hands* Just take a break Xunnie.. ok~ Now! It's time for Wang Yi! Yay! With her hauntingly...depressing image song 'Endless Sorrow'. A very emotional song which details her feelings for... a certain someone who holds a very special place in her heart. Oooh! Who could it be?!_

**_Guo Jia: _***places hand over heart*I'm so flattered... *flicks hair back* No need to be so shy Yi. *winks*

**Wang Yi:**...*grabs Guo Jia by the neck*...

**Guo Jia:** *winks* Why so forward all of a sudden? Heh.*gets headbutt by Wang Yi* wrong...guy?..but...*sighs*

**Wang Yi:**...*looks at Ma Chao* Heehee... this feeling..almost akin to love.. MA CHAO! How I've longed to see you!

_Wow! What's this? What a plot twist! Who knew that the cold and aloof Wang Yi felt this way? Awww aren't you a lucky guy Ma Chao? Hmm? Ma Chao? What's wrong?...why are you trembling like a newborn deer? Oh my! You're turning blue! Goodness me! He must be really shocked at this, isn't that right Wang Yi?...Ma Chao? Your thoughts?_

**Ma Chao:** *gulps* No way! You've got the wrong guy! *points to Ma Dai* It's him!

**Ma Dai:** Hey! Young Master!*pretends to have a heart attack* What's the idea!

**Zhen Ji:** *jabs flute* HEY! Why does SHE get a song? * stamps foot* In fact, why is she the ONLY FEMALE who gets a song? *crosses arms angrily*

**Diaochan:** *smirks* That's probably because KOEI are sick of you...*flutters eyelashes* I mean.. you were the one trying to steal my spotlight all the time.

**KOEI:** *looks at Lu Bu*...*nods head in agreement*

**Cai Wenji:** Zhenji please calm down, at least we got to play the background music!..right?*smiles sweetly* It was so lovely being part of something so nice!

**Zhenji:** Ugh! I'm not like YOU Wenji.. *sigh* This is why I detest peasants!

**Sun Shangxiang:** Hey! Don't be so mean to peasants!...but..I'm a teeny bit jealous...I wish had an image song...I mean...I'm more girly now...*sulks*

**Bao Sanniang:** Grr! *stamps foot* I even recorded a special song about my love for Suo! *sobs* Why didn't they include it?

**Guan Yinping:** *giggles* You mean this?! *holds up a disc covered in hearts* snaps disc in half*To protect MY BROTHER! *breaks the halves into tiny pieces before exploding them*

**Wang Yi:** Hahaha...

**Ma Chao:** *shivers* W-why is she looking at me? This is i-inJUSTICE!

**Guo Jia:** Now now, let's all lighten up guys!*starts singing* EVERYONE HAVE A GOOD DAY~

**Everyone (except a few individuals):** EVERYONE HAVE A GOOD LUCK~!

** Guo Jia: **Yeah! EVERYONE HAVE A GOOD TIME~~!

**Angry females+ Ma Chao: ** WE'RE NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME!

**Wang Yi:** Hehehe ! Prepare yourself.. Demon of Xi Liang! *pulls out trishulas*...after I silence this obstruction...*looks at Guo Jia*...

_Wang Yi! Calm down! Calm down! Stop! Ack! Everyone calm down! *exploding noises* HEY! WHO LET ZHU RAN IN? *fireworks and explosions* OMG!*smashing noises* Why are there ELEPHANTS AND TIGERS HERE?..._

_There was a short pause as everyone stopped and stared at the...pile of rubble and dust which was once Zhang Jiao's beloved studio. Not to mention the pile of...something which was once a 10ft self-made statue of himself._

**Zhang Jiao:** Ohh! What rrrrotten unbelievers! Look what you've done to my ssstuuudioo! The Wrrrathh of Heaven be upon you!

_Oh no! Wang Yi... Guo Jia...all you angry and jealous females... What? You expect me to list all your names? *gasps* But I can't! I won't! *ahem* Well, looks what you've done now! How are you going to fix it up? Zhang Jiao's going to rrrrelease his powers now! But you know...there is a way I can fix it for you guys!_

**Guilty people: ***All look at Mei with puppy-dog eyes* Oh great author! Please tell us!

_Teehee! You know how Dong Zhuo has a HUUGGE treasury? One almost as big as his belly? *ignores Dong Zhuo's yelling* Welll...I need you guys to go *ahem* borrow the Imperial Seal for me! Teehee! Good luck!_

**_~Later that day~_**

_With the important task of err 'borrowing' the Imperial Seal from Dong Zhuo's treasury, the erm..team set out on a quest! This should be a breeze right guys?_

_Ah just to let you know, the members are: Wang Yi, Guo Jia, Zhen Ji, Guan Yinping, Ma Chao. NO! GUO JIA! THIS IS NOT! I REPEAT NOT! A DATE!_

**_~Trap 1- Lava pits~_**

_What's this? *gasp* A lava pit? But how! How could Dong Zhuo have a lava pit in his treasury? Mei is confused! Well, let's see how our heroes will get past this!_

**Guo Jia:** *flicks hair* Leave it to me, a strategist must always be prepared for unexpected situations like th-wargh!

**Wang Yi: ** What an annoyance..*shoves him into the lava pit*

**Ma Chao:** JUSTICE! *jumps over on his horse*

**Zhen Ji**: *sighs* Ugh! *snaps fingers* Peasant!

**Wei Peasant with hat #1:** My lady?

**Zhen Ji:** Get me across this lava pit. Now.

**Wei Peasant with hat #1:** *bows* My lady! *starts building a bridge*

**Guan Yinping:**?...But there's a bridge over there! *points* Oh! *runs across bridge*

**Zhen Ji:** Urgh! You hopeless peasants! *barges across the bridge*

_Oh my! Wang Yi sure is merciless isn't she Guo Jia? Aha! I got it! She must be shy! Awwww how cute! What? Yang? I should go rescue Guo Jia from the lava before he melts?.. Oh! Wei Peasant! You can stop building that bridge now! What? You have a hat and I should mention that? Uh...ok..._

**_~Trap 2- Lu Xun, Jiang Wei~_**

_Oh! I made a mistake! Not that trap! Lu Xun, Jiang Wei...you can take off the dress and wig now. Well, feel free to keep them on if you wish! *ahem* we shall now proceed to the next obstacle._

**_~The REAL Trap 2- Lu Bu~_**

_OH MY GOSH! Its..its..LUUU BUU! *yes , pre DW7 pronunciation still stuck :P* ARGGH! RUN! Oh! I forgot! I'm the author! Nyeh Nyeh! Cockroach!*ahem* Goodness me! The next obstacle is the mighty Lu Bu! How will our heroes get past this trial? OOhh!_

**_Lu Bu:_**_ *t_wirls spear* WHO DARES FACE THE MIGHTY LU BU?_  
_**Wang Yi:** *kicks Guo Jia in front of Lu Bu*...heehee this man does..

**Guo Jia:** ...?*goes down on knees and starts praying*Gyaah! *gets sent flying*

_Guo Jia...you're pathetic! I expected more from you, you know! Tsk tsk!*sigh* _

_**Trap 3- Mutant assassins**_

**Everyone:** Mutant assassins?...*face palm*...what now? ARGH! MONKEYS! CRAZY MONKEYS!  
_And now a strange turn of events! Instead of an army of zombies or zombie-like Orochi minions... we now have...monkeys...drunk monkeys.. that are high...carrying weapons...smiling like the creepy little maniacs that they are...ARGH!Hmm? How did they get there anyway?_

.

**_~Meanwhile, somewhere in Wu~_**

**Xiaoqiao: ** Awww.. Yu honey! Have you seen my babies? All 10 of them?

**Zhou Yu:** *spits out drink*Gack! W-we have children? *cough* t-t-tuh-ten? *coughs and starts a choking fit*

**Xiaoqiao:** *pats his back* Oh! Oopsy! I meant my 10 pet monkeys! B-b-ut... THEY'RE GONNNEEE! *sobs* WAAAH! *starts wailing*

**Lianshi:** Ah, I recall you gave them to the princess to babysit last week.. I think they might be with her in Shu.

**Xiaoqiao:** Oh! That should be ok then! Teehee!

_Oh my! That doesn't sound too good Xiaoqiao! Are you sure it's ok? Hmm? No, Zhou Yu you silly, I wasn't talking about how you almost choked to death, but this is Shangxiang you're talking about, what if she trains the monkeys to be a mini army? Oh Xiaoqiao...I was joking! Please stop crying!_

**_~Meanwhile, somewhere in Shu~_**

**Zhang Fei:** GAAAAAH! My wine! It's gone! All gone! *sobs*

**Zhang Bao:** Dad! Emergency! Some monkeys attacked Xingcai and stole all the wine!

**Zhang Fei:** *Berserk protective papa-mode* Cracks knuckles* Bao! Let's go! NO ONE HURTS MY LITTLE GIRL! NOT ON MY WATCH!

**Liu Bei+Guan Yu:** Allow us to assist you brother!*whispers* We'll save the wine while you get your revenge OK?

**Guan Xing:**...I got dragged along...for this? *sigh*

**_~Meanwhile...somewhere~_**

_In a certain place, Yu Meiren stood staring blankly at...what was once a field of abundant blooming poppies. Oh dear! What's wrong? Did something happen?_

**Yu Meiren: **...*looks away*

_Fine! Xiang Yu! Please ask Meiren what's wrong! *sulks* She won't speak to anyone other than you, you know! While you're at it, tell her to go easy on the make-up!_

**Xiang Yu:** She said that some drunk monkeys came and ate all her poppies.

_Ack! Yu Meiren! Those poppies... aren't they also __**those**__ poppies? Ohh This is terrible! And so...the number of obstacles in the path of our heroes increased! No sooner had they survived the deadly lava pits from another dimension, but now they have to deal with drunk monkeys and the sworn brothers of Shu? I wish you luck brave heroes! _

**_~Back to our errm heroes~_**

_What's this? Why is there so much wine here? Wang Yi? What are you doing? Yinping! You shouldn't be drinking! Didn't you forget about the monkeys?_

**Wang Yi:** *Starts drinking*...

**Ma Chao:** T-this! This belongs to Shu! How dare you! What Injustice! HOW DARE YOU! THIS IS INJUSTICE! *notices Wang Yi smiling and holding her weapons * GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

_Welll... let's leave them for awhile, Hmm? What's Yinping up to? Oh my! She's being backed into a corner by some very drunk and high monkeys! Oh no! Who's going to save her? _

**Guan Yinping:** Oh! Father! Father! Help me!*monkeys draw a moustache on her face*

**Guan Yu:** *Fan-castle mode* RAAH! NO ONE TOUCHES MY LITTLE YINPING!

**Monkeys:** *insert scared monkey scream here*

**Zhen Ji:** Urgh! What about ME? Tch, useless peasants!*wipes off painted moustache*

**Liu Bei:** Now now, you shouldn't badmouth the peasants, it's not very benevolent because *long benevolent filled lecture omitted* Lady Zhenji? Oh, it looks like she's fallen asleep.

**Guan Xing+ Zhang Bao:** Dad...the wine is heavy you know?

**Everyone: ** Quickly!Return home at once! We've accomplished over mission! The wine is saved!

_*sigh* You guys...you completely forgot about getting me the Imperial Seal right? You sworn brothers...shame on you! Well! I didn't do anything as well! Zhang Jiao! Over here! Show them the wrath of heaven!_

**Zhang Jiao:** FEEL THE WRATH OF THE HEAVENS!

* * *

_Whew! How'd I go ArtisticIce? Mockingtale Bright?... did you like it? Teehee! I tried combining both your awesome ideas together!I know! It sucks! *sulks*! I don't think I did too well... it seems so random! *tears hair*Hmm? Eeek! Give me back the microphone! Eh? You'll give me those fanservice Yang photos? Yaaay!*kzzzzzzt*_

**_Zhu Ran: _**_*ahem*FIRE! Oh hey!*lights flares* I'm the new guy in Wu! *lights fireworks* Nice to meet ya! *sets fire to the already half-destroyed studio* Come on Xun! Let's go!_

**_Lu Xun:_**_ YESS! FIREE! *goes off on a pyro spree with Ran*_

**_Chen Gong:_**_ Muahahaha! Yes! It is I! Chen Gong! The amazing strategist!_

**_Zhang Liao:_**_ Merci KOEI! I'm not the only Frenchman now! __**Coup d'état!**_

**_Chen Gong:_**_ *twirls moustache* Such blatant advertising.. __**G**__ee...the author really has no shame.. muahaha_

**_Zhu Ran:_**_ Whatever, stay tuned for the next chapter! I mean.. we need to be properly introduced you know! *lights __**dragon**__ shaped flamethrower*_

**_Wen Yang:_**_ *bows* Thank you once again for reading this. Mei's randomness has apparently returned, we'll be seeing you next time. *bows*Oh!...*whispers* Yurianna... please... may I have those...photos back?...*blushes*._

_Oh yeah! I made the monkeys drunk on wine and high on opium instead. Lol! Close enough to crack I say! Also, Yu Meiren/Miaoyi and Xiang Yu are from DW Multi-Raid 2, plus Meiren is associated with the poppy (ok ok I admit it! It was an excuse to include her! *sulks*)_

_..teeehee! A special prize will be given to anyone who can tell me who and what my 'blatantly obvious' advertisement is referring to! Extra big prize if you can give me a 100 word essay on why he's so cool! LOL!XD_

* * *

_NOTE: Please beware of bogus competition offers. Ryujin Mei takes no responsibility for anyone wasting their time. Also, anyone unfamiliar to Kpop will be unaware of the depths of obsessions some fans may have. The author is no exception to the list of crazy stalker fans. _


	8. Warm (very warm) Welcomes

_Yuss! The madness continues! Seeing as Zhu Ran is now official and I was able to feast my fangirly eyes on HIS HAWTNESS! Looks like our lovable shota pryo now has a partner in crime! I just had to do this! Note: I have made up his personality to how I imagine it. Additionally, he is now an addition to my harem ;P._

_Hey everyone! We've got 2 news guys coming in! Let's give them a warm welcome!_

**Guo Jia:** *flicks hair back* 'guys?' Psh. I was hoping for another girlfr-ugh!

**Wang Yi:** *dusts off hands*...*gives him another smack*

_Introducing...the new guy in 'Others' , a tricky little strategist who fights with.. Lu Bu! oh yeah! Our lovable cockroach now has his own Story Mode!Congrats to him! Anyway.. without further ado.. CHEN GONG!_

**Chen Gong:** *twirls moustache* Ahahaha! Yes! It is I! Chen Gong the strategist for Lu Bu!* bows* Muahahaha he can't do a thing without my godly advice! *smirks at Lu Bu* Now the Others can finally have a hot male!

**Lu Bu:** *frowns* What DID YOU JUST SAY?*pulls out spear* MAGGOT!

**Chen Gong:** *twirls moustache* Nothing. I meant your intellect was far superior to the generics.

**Lu Bu:** *pretends to understand* I see. *nods head*

**Everyone:**...*sweatdrop*

**Dong Zhuo:** *slams fist* GAAH? You? A mere generic insect like you dares to take my place as the hottest male in Others?! You all agree don't you?

**Everyone:** *shakes heads and waves hands* Uh...no. Gross.

**Dong Zhuo:** Hmph! You just don't get it. GAHAHAHA I'll have to go shirtless to pro-URGH! *gets sent flying*

_Urgh! Gross! Dong Zhuo... some people have to sleep tonight! I won't be able to rest easy if my readers suffered nightmares and horrific memory scarring! Now...introducing a brand new addition to the hotties of Wu! Male hotties that is. Single, male, hotties to be exact. *ahem* __**ZHU RAN**__! Aka the dude who lit the fires in Yi Ling! Aka ...Xunnie boy's partner in crime!*sigh* Isn't he just so hot? And that smirk-frown expression... how adorable! Now if only I could do something about that annoying armour-like outfit...*pulls out can-opener*_

**Zhu Ran: ** *smoothes hair back* Please refrain from removing my clothing. I want to leave a good first impressi- Ack!

_Everyone looks in shock as his chest armour is taken off and piles of matches and various pyromania tools fall to the ground._

**Zhu Ran:** This..err...XUN! CATCH! Bye guys! Gotta run!

**Lu Xun:** Ran! I got it! *grabs pryo tools and starts running*

**Lu Meng:** *gnashes teeth*...DaMmIt.. kOeI!

**Lu Su:** *shakes head* He doesn't understand that _I'm_ the hottest guy...

**Han Dang:** * shakes head* I knew it! The wind today!

**Ling Tong:** This is gonna be fun! Heh heh Old man! Better stay calm eh?

**Lu Meng:** *tears hair* NoT yOu tOo? GRAAAAHH! CHAPTER START!

* * *

_With Zhu Ran's recent arrival in Wu, there were mixed emotions all around. In particular, the generic Wu officers numbering from #1 to #99999 and who-knows-what were excited._

**Generic Wu Officer #1:** Hey! My name's actually Cheng Pu *sigh* I'm hoping I get to become anti-generic next instalment.. I mean Huang Gai and Han Dang are already included so next up is definitely me.

**Generic Wu Officer #2:** You? What about me? I'm actually Zhu Zhi and everyone knows that Lord Sun Jian preferred me more!

**Generic Wu Officer #3: ** What about me? I'm Chen Wu, and I'm *eyes gleam* also a pyro! What? You don't know? Tch! Go read RotK!

_It seems the kind and gentle Lianshi has offered to show Zhu Ran around, isn't she such a nice sisterly person? Well, technically Sun Quan should be doing that but he's busy._

**Lianshi: ***points* This is the new kitchen for Wu. *sighs* Well, Lu Xun burnt down the previous one but I'd say it may have been a blessing in disguise.*exploding noise*

**Zhu Ran:** Oh. Forgive me *douses out a fire* I'm sorry...I couldn't control myself there.

**Lianshi:** My, I'll forgive this time because you're new. Please don't do that again.

** Zhu Ran:** Apologies Lady Lianshi.. *drops a flare* I.. should be going now..*kitchen explodes*

**Lianshi:**...*sobs*Oh my...Quan...I tried...I really did..*sobs*

_As Lianshi fell sobbing to the ground, quickly fleeing the scene of the crime, a not-so-repentant Zhu Ran began hurrying towards the half-way through renovations storeroom where his fellow pyro was waiting.._

**Zhu Ran:** *whispers* and so we head down to the ...

**Lu Xun: **throne room..and then we..

**Lu Xun+ Zhu Ran:** *eyes gleam* SET IT ON FIRE!*hi-fives*

_Oh dear... you two... Zhu Ran... you look so much more mature than our resident shota, shouldn't you be doing something more...helpful to Wu? Or maybe going around introducing yourself to people seeing as you're new? Hmm? What are you doing?  
_**Zhu Ran:** *flicks hair* Sorry! Can't talk, we're too busy lighting..

**Lu Xun+ Zhu Ran:** FIRES! *hi-five*

**Xiaoqiao:** Ooh!Oooh! It's the new guy! Ummm? *tilts head* who are you? Gohan?

**Zhu Ran:** *hides matches behind back* Greetings my lady. I'm the new guy, Zhu 's a pleasure to meet you. No..it's not time for lunch.

**Xiaoqiao:** *puffs cheeks* Aww! You're no fun! You don't get it! *****

**Zhou Yu:** *vein snaps* Not another pyro...*drinks some wine*.DAMMIT KOEI *throws wine bottle*

**_~Later that day~_**

**Zhu Ran:** Hmm...*checks the wind direction* Aha!

**Lu Xun:** *holds up matches* Yes! This will definitely work!

_You guys...you're not seriously thinking of setting the throne room on fire are you? Hmm? Sun Jian recently had it rebuilt you know! Tsk tsk! *exploding noises*_

**_~At The same time~_**

**Sun Jian:** *sighs with satisfaction* Yes! The new throne room looks must better, I say, perhaps this was a blessing in disguise!

**Sun Quan:** Yes. It looks much better Father, although I'm not too happy that you docked my pocket money to help with the payments.

**Sun Shangxiang:** *giggles* Thanks brothers! Daddy used that money to build personal training grounds for me!

**Sun Ce:** Aww I knew something was fishy when I never got my pocket money. Pops! That's mean! *shrugs* Oh well, at least the place looks better..

_*exploding noises and fireworks*_

_*gasp* No sooner had the Sun family finished appraising the newly rebuilt throne room when...disaster struck...a few stray fireworks flew past setting fire to the throne and causing the new decorations to catch on fire..._

**Han Dang:** *holds head* I knew it! The wind today!

**Sun Jian:**...*rgh..* I even took out a loan from Ryujin Mei to finance this..

**Han Dang:** I told you! It was the wind today!

**Everyone: ** Oh be quiet!

**Sun Family:** *cracks knuckles* Those crazy pyros...GET THEM!

_Oh my...looks like this is going to continue...or not_

* * *

_Ok ok... I made up Zhu Ran's personality,but he does look a bit like Son Gohan from Dragon Ball (anyone get the joke? Gohan can mean rice or lunch..ok that wasn't funny...).. Ran is so hot! Ah! But my Yang is the hottest! Well.. Yes! He is! Of course he is! Now if KOEI did something about his annoying armour... and..my advertising from last chapter was...*ahem*..*blush* about G-Dragon (a kpop rapper)'s new album Coup D'etat... yeah, not expecting anyone to know..just me spreading my obsessions!Thanks again for reading!(by the way..ArtisticIce...be prepared to for more Zhu Ran and BENEVOLENCE next time ;)_


End file.
